How to Handle a Teen Who Lies -1-
I was recently talking with dear friends who are walking this difficult road with their teen, carrying themselves with such grace and resilience. Their story is unique, and this post isn’t meant to speak into every detail of what they’re walking through. I know each family’s journey looks different. But hearing their experience stirred something in me, and I felt it was important to open up this conversation.
When our kids step into the teen years, certain behaviors seem to get magnified far beyond what we expect or feel equipped to handle. And if we’re honest, most of us as parents wrestle with how to respond when those behaviors – like lying – rise to the surface.
I still remember when we had to walk through this very struggle with one of our own children. For years, it felt like a constant cycle – explaining what truth really means, teaching it in age-appropriate ways, and giving consequences whenever lying seemed like the easier path. Even now, it occasionally resurfaces. It doesn't happen as often as it used to, but it still slips in every so once in a while. She’ll usually brush it off, saying it was 'just a joke', and in those moments, we lovingly redirect her back to the foundation of honesty that we’ve been building over the years.
And you know what, the other day she came downstairs, Bible in hand, and told me she wanted to show me what she had highlighted in Proverbs. With a little smile, she read out loud: “Just as damaging as a madman shooting a deadly weapon is someone who lies to a friend and then says, ‘I was only joking.’” (Proverbs 26:18–19, NLT). I was about to say something—probably did—but she stopped me, looked up, and said, “Now I understand.” Needless to say, it was a precious moment — seeing firsthand that God speaks to our children more than we often realize. And when He does, it goes deep. It’s never surface-level; it’s transformative.
But I understand, when you’re faced with yet another lie from your teenager, the pain cuts deep. You feel betrayed, frustrated, and sometimes even like you’ve failed as a parent. In those moments, the enemy is quick to whisper accusations—“You’re not good enough. You’ve blown it. You’ll never fix this.” But here’s the truth: his accusations don’t define you, and they don’t have the final word over your child either. Yes, there may be times when you need to humble yourself, confess, and ask for forgiveness—but we’ll talk more about that later. For now, hear this: you are not alone, and there is hope.
Maybe you’ve caught yourself asking, “How did we get here? What happened to the child who used to tell me everything?” If that’s where you are today, we want to come alongside you. From our family to yours, we offer encouragement, biblical truth, practical steps, and the hard-won wisdom of parents who have walked this same road. God is not finished with your teen—or with you. By His grace, broken trust can be rebuilt, and your home can once again be grounded in truth.
The Heartbreak of Dishonesty
Lying isn’t a small issue – it strikes at the very foundation of your relationship. Scripture reminds us that “lying lips are an abomination to the Lord” (Prov. 12:22) and that dishonesty destroys trust. No wonder it hurts so much when your teen lies. You may worry, “If I can’t believe anything they say, how do we move forward?” Such fears are understandable. Lies bring pain and break relationships. A home can start feeling like a battle zone of suspicion and secrecy.
If you’re feeling anger, disappointment, or fear about the future, take those emotions to the father in heaven. “Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you” (Psalm 55:22). God sees the tears you shed over your child. He cares about truth and about your family’s healing. The Bible offers comfort that even when people are unfaithful, God remains faithful (2 Timothy 2:13). He understands the heartbreak – after all, how often have we lied to our heavenly Father through our actions or broken promises? Yet His response is merciful love and patient pursuit. That gives us a model as parents: to hate the sin of lying, but to love our child even more, reflecting God’s own heart (Romans 5:8).
Clinging to Biblical Hope and Truth
Honesty matters to God—which means this battle for truth in your teen’s life is no small thing. But we must also remember that God’s Word never leaves us condemned; it points us to the solution. Jesus died for liars and truth-twisters like us, offering both forgiveness and the power to change. “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation” (2 Cor. 5:17). That means your teen’s story is far from over—God can transform even the most deceitful heart.
What I often remind parents (and myself) is this: our natural instinct is to bury these ugly habits and move on quickly. But the good news is that when lying comes to the surface while your child is still under your roof, it becomes an opportunity. What’s been hidden is now revealed, and you have the chance to teach, shepherd, and disciple your teen in truth. Yes, it’s exhausting. Yes, it feels like a battle. But it is also a God-given moment to shape their heart while you still have daily influence.
Please repeat this, it’s a God-given moment to shape their heart!
Think of the Peter. He boldly promised never to deny Jesus, yet within hours he lied three times, claiming “I don’t know the man.” Still, after His resurrection, Jesus gently restored Peter, giving him a chance to affirm truth. Peter went on to become a pillar of the early church. What a picture of redemption! Yes, your teenager has sinned by lying, and there may be serious fallout. But by God’s grace, today’s failure can become tomorrow’s testimony. Cling to verses like “Where sin increased, grace abounded all the more” (Romans 5:20). There is more grace in Christ than there is sin in your teen.
Why Does My Teen Lie? Getting to the Heart
Before we jump into solutions, it helps to understand why your teenager might be lying. Teens lie for many reasons, and it’s often a symptom of a deeper issue.
Here are a few common heart-motives beneath teen dishonesty:
Fear of Consequences or Punishment: Your teen might be terrified of how you’ll react to the truth. If they crashed the car or failed a class, lying seems like a quick escape from your disappointment or anger. They may fear harsh discipline or losing privileges. In their panic, deceit feels “safer” than honesty – at least in the moment.
Desire for Independence: Adolescents crave autonomy. Lying can be a way to keep parents out of their business. Your teen might lie about where they were or who they’re with simply to carve out a space that feels like theirs. It’s misguided, a desire for freedom without yet understanding how to handle it responsibly.
Shame and Self-Protection: Some lies cover up secret sins or mistakes. A teen struggling with pornography, sexual temptation, or substance use may lie to hide these behaviors out of shame. Or if they made a mistake, they might lie because they’re embarrassed and afraid you’ll think less of them. In their mind, a lie protects them from rejection.
Broken Relationship or Hurt: This one is hard to hear, but sometimes a pattern of lying points to strain in the parent-teen relationship. Is it possible your teen feels you haven’t listened in the past, or that you’re always angry or disappointed in them? They figure, “Why bother telling the truth? Mom/Dad won’t understand anyway.” This is not to blame you for their sin (lying is always wrong and a personal choice), but it can help us approach the problem with empathy and self-reflection.
A way of escape from pressure: Sometimes lying (or withdrawing into fantasy) is your teen’s attempt to escape the weight of expectations. They may feel overwhelmed by what society, school, or even family seems to demand of them. Fear of making mistakes can paralyze them, so instead of acting, they do nothing—and ironically, they end up facing the very consequences they were afraid of in the first place. In this way, dishonesty can become a kind of “shield” to avoid disappointing others, even though it ultimately backfires.
A cry for attention. At times, lying is less about avoiding consequences and more about trying to be seen. Your teen might feel overlooked, unheard, or unsure how to express their needs in a healthy way. So, they turn to lying or exaggerating as a way to draw attention, even if it’s negative. Deep down, what they’re longing for isn’t really the lie itself—it’s connection, affirmation, and to know they matter.
There are many more reasons I am sure, but take a moment to consider: what might be driving my child’s lying?
Step-by-Step: Asking God for Insight
Pause & Invite God’s Presence
Get quiet before the Lord. Surrender your fear, anger, and assumptions.
Prayer: “Father, I welcome You here. Calm my heart and sharpen my ears.”Ask for Wisdom (James 1:5)
God promises wisdom when we ask. Ask plainly and expectantly.
Prayer: “Lord, You said if I lack wisdom to ask. I’m asking now—show me the truth beneath this behavior.”Listen for the Root
Wait on the Holy Spirit. Pay attention to gentle nudges, a memory, a word, or a pattern that surfaces (e.g., fear, shame, attention, avoidance, control, peer pressure).
Prompt: “Holy Spirit, what is driving my child’s lying right now?”Repent & Receive Cleansing
Own your part without self-condemnation. Repent for harshness, shaming, or inconsistency. Receive forgiveness.
Prayer: “Jesus, forgive my sin against my child. Wash me. Align my words and tone with Yours.”Forgive & Release
Choose to forgive your teen (and anyone else) for the hurt and betrayal. Break inner judgments (“She’s/He’s just a liar”).
Prayer: “I forgive ____. I release accusations. Guard my tongue from labels.”
Don’t skim this. Slow down and work through it prayerfully—this is too important to rush. If you want to go deeper, The Family Oasis offers inner-healing sessions to walk with you step by step. Reach out to book a session [here].
Reaching the Heart Instead of Just Fixing Behavior
As Christian parents, our goal isn’t just to stop our children from lying; it's to inspire them to love honesty and truth. While punishing or scolding may temporarily stop the behaviour, lasting change must come from within.
So how do we reach the heart? It starts with communication and connection, not just correction. Rather than launching straight into lectures when a lie is exposed, consider asking gentle, probing questions that help your teen self-reflect. In a calm moment, you might simply ask your teen, “What did you hope would happen when you chose not to tell the truth?” or “What felt scary about being honest in that moment?” These aren’t trap questions; they’re gentle invitations for your child to pause and look inward. Sometimes lying is rooted in fear, in self-protection, or in trying to control the outcome. Your teen may not have an answer right away—and you might get a shrug, a joke, or even silence. Don’t let that discourage you. In asking, you’re planting seeds.
The Gospel of Jesus is always the real solution for the heart. If your teenager knows Christ, remind them that his power can free them from the chains of sin. They often choose dishonesty when they’ve lost sight of how deeply they are loved and how safe it is to live in the light. Jesus offers forgiveness and the strength to face the truth. Because of Him, your child doesn’t need to hide. They can admit when they’re wrong, safe in the knowledge that mercy is waiting. If your teenager doesn’t yet know Jesus personally, pray that the gospel will shine through your words, your home and your example. Ultimately, the heart change they need most is to know Christ Himself. While we cannot force faith, we can live in a way that makes Jesus seem beautiful and real to them.
This is already plenty to chew on for now. Next week, we’ll take the conversation deeper into restoration and healing. Remember—you are not alone on this journey. Let trusted friends lift up your hands when you are weary, and rest in the truth that God Himself is your Shepherd, gently leading you and your family.