Feeding Your Baby

At The Family Oasis, we believe parenting is not a formula—it’s a journey led by love, connection, and discernment. One of the earliest questions parents face is this: Should I feed my baby on a schedule, or should I respond whenever they’re hungry?

It’s a deeply practical question, but also one packed with emotion, expectation, and even generational influence. Maybe your mom insists, “Just feed them every three hours.” Or maybe a friend swears by feeding on demand.

It seems like the moment you have a baby in your arms, an invisible sign appears above your head: “Open to parenting advice — please share!” Whether we want it or not, it comes flooding in. The grocery store cashier, the sweet elderly woman at the park, fellow moms at the postnatal gym — everyone suddenly has something to say. And let’s be honest: it can be overwhelming.

In those early newborn days, when you're barely sleeping and your heart is stretched in every direction, the last thing you need is a flood of contradicting voices. But that’s often exactly what happens. Some advice is well-meaning, even helpful. But much of it is confusing, unsolicited, and sometimes even a little judgmental. And when you're already feeling unsure, those words can hit hard.

I’ve known moms who shut out all advice altogether. Not because they don’t care — but because they’re worn out. They’ve heard so many conflicting opinions that they don’t know what to trust anymore. And honestly, I understand that.

Because here's the truth: when you’re a new mom, you're not just figuring out how to care for a baby — you're also finding your footing in a brand new identity. You’re vulnerable. Tender. Open. And in that fragile place, every opinion can feel like a measuring stick or a warning sign: You’re doing it wrong. You’re missing something. You should be more like her.

But sweet Mama — breathe.

You don’t have to take in everything that’s said to you. You don’t have to build your motherhood on shaky ground just because it’s offered loudly or confidently. What you do need is wisdom. Discernment. And grace — lots of it.

Ask God to help you hear what matters. Ask Him to guard your heart from what doesn’t. Surround yourself with voices that point you to truth, not just trends. Parenting isn’t one-size-fits-all, and your baby was entrusted to you — not the lady at the park.

Yes, it’s okay to listen. It’s okay to learn. But you don’t have to obey every voice. You are allowed to weigh advice against Scripture, against what you know about your child, and against the peace (or lack thereof) that settles in your spirit.

You were chosen to mother this baby. And the One who gave you this calling will also give you the strength — and the clarity — to walk it out.

With that said, the Body of Christ can be an incredible support — but knowing who to trust really started for us with the role models we saw. The marriages we admired. Not perfect ones, but the ones that were honest, working toward connection, and not afraid to say when things weren’t as rosy as their Instagram made it look.

We noticed the families whose children radiated kindness, peace, and a quiet confidence — not because they were polished little robots, but because there was something beautiful in how they were being led.

It reminded us: you don’t need to listen to every voice. Just find a few who live what they preach. Watch the fruit — not the filters.

That made all the difference for us. Those parents — the ones we quietly admired — got to speak into our lives. We didn’t fight against the rest. Honestly, even then, staying humble and discerning was key. Sometimes we ended up receiving from people we never expected — and that’s a humbling road to walk.

There were moments we just nodded and smiled. Not every comment needed a reaction. Not every opinion had to be taken to heart. But every now and then, God would use someone surprising to speak truth right when we needed it.

What a path this parenting journey is.

I don’t know where you’re at — maybe you’ve closed your heart to advice out of exhaustion, or maybe you’re wide open, hoping someone out there has the golden ticket answer. Either way, I believe God is calling all of us to grow. To stretch. To learn to listen — not just to people, but to Him.

Who is He highlighting to you?

Is there a couple, a family, a parent you quietly admire — not for their perfection, but for their faithfulness? Ask the Lord to show you. And if you don’t have anyone like that in your life right now, ask Him to bring them.

He is faithful to place us in families — and to surround us with the support we need, when we’re open and looking in the right direction.

And nowadays, it doesn’t even have to be a family that lives nearby. God can use a podcast, a book, a message online, or even a family you follow from afar to encourage and sharpen you. Proximity is a gift, but it’s not a limitation for God. He knows how to get truth to your heart when you're seeking Him.

So stay open — not to every voice, but to His voice. Stay teachable, even when it’s hard. And trust that the Good Shepherd knows exactly who to place in your path to help you walk this parenting road with grace and wisdom.

So let’s dive into this topic of feeding — and take a little journey back, about 20 years ago, when I had my first child.

From the very beginning, there were two families in particular who stood out to us. They became role models — not because they were perfect, but because they gave us hope. Hope that marriage and family life could actually be healthy. Not flawless in every moment, but steady, intentional, and full of grace over time.

So we naturally asked them questions — about parenting, feeding, rhythms, and everything in between. And along the way, God added another family to our arsenal — one overseas, who would become a strong foundation of encouragement for us in the years to come.

Their influence, though distant in location, was close in spirit. They helped shape the way we approached parenting with purpose, not pressure.

I am forever grateful to God to have put the body of Christ at our sides.

The Heart of Feeding: Nourishment and Connection

It’s really about learning to read your baby, meeting their needs, and building trust. In those early weeks, your baby is learning — and so are you. Never forget that.

I guess most people would say we “schedule feed,” but honestly, I don’t really identify with what people think that means.

You know the reactions:
“Oh no, that sounds rigid...”
“What if the baby’s hungry outside the ‘allowed’ time?”
“Babies aren’t robots — how can you possibly put them on a schedule?”

There’s this strong narrative out there that feeding on demand is more loving, more natural, more connected. And anything with structure? It gets labeled as cold, outdated, even harmful. For some moms, just hearing the word “schedule” brings stress — like it means watching the clock instead of the baby, or tuning out their cries to stick to a plan.

Some say, “It didn’t work for us. I felt anxious all the time.” Or, “What about growth spurts? Cluster feeding? Teething?” The assumption is that a schedule just can’t keep up with the real-life, ever-changing needs of a newborn.

And let’s be real — in today’s parenting culture, which leans heavily into gentle everything, structured feeding often gets misunderstood. Like it’s some outdated method instead of a tool that might actually bring peace — to both mom and baby.

What are your thoughts?

Let’s start by looking at a couple of common myths. After working with parents for over 19 years, I’ve seen it again and again — most of us come into parenting with certain ideas already deeply set. And honestly, it can be hard to break those.

Now, I’m not here to change your mind. But I do want to gently challenge you to be intentional — to pause and check if the lens you're looking through might be tinted. Sometimes, those subtle filters can cloud our vision and keep us from seeing clearly what’s actually best for our family.

Myth #1: “Scheduled feeding is cold and unloving.”

Truth: Structure doesn’t cancel out connection. You can be intentional and deeply nurturing at the same time.

Myth #2: “You’re forcing your baby to follow the clock.”

Truth: A flexible rhythm isn’t about control — it’s about creating peace, predictability, and rest for both mom and baby.

Myth #3: “It only works if your baby is easy.”

Truth: Many parents with fussy, high-needs, or colicky babies say structure is what actually helped bring sanity and calm to the chaos and can you really have 3, 4, 5 easy babies?

Myth #4: “You’ll miss your baby’s cues.”

Truth: Scheduled feeding doesn’t mean ignoring your baby — it means learning their patterns and leading with wisdom.

Do you feel like any of these have been part of your thinking? Maybe without even realizing it?

I love this bibleverse so much, that you’ve heard me state it many times:

Romans 12:2

"Stop imitating the ideals and opinions of the culture around you, but be inwardly transformed by the Holy Spirit through a total reformation of how you think. This will empower you to discern God’s will as you live a beautiful life, satisfying and perfect in his eyes."

It’s not about judgment at all — it’s about awareness.

We’ve all been shaped by something: our upbringing, the voices we’ve listened to over the years, and the culture we live in. Whether we realize it or not, those influences form the lens through which we view parenting, babies, and even something as simple as how and when to feed them.

The invitation here isn’t to feel guilty or defensive — it’s simply to pause, reflect, and ask:
Is this belief rooted in truth, or just something I absorbed along the way?

Because when we let the Holy Spirit renew our minds — like Romans 12:2 says — that’s where real freedom and clarity begin.

I know we’re only scratching the surface of this deeply personal (and often very debated) topic — but first things first.

Before we go any further, take a moment.

Ask the Holy Spirit: “Is there a lens I’ve been looking through?”
Have there been lies, assumptions, or even strong opinions that have quietly shaped how you see this — maybe without you even realizing?

Take a couple of minutes. Sit with Him. Breathe. Let Him speak.

This isn’t just about this one topic — it’s about a posture of the heart.
A habit of pausing. Reflecting. Letting Him bring light to the places we didn’t even know were clouded.

We’re often not aware of what’s shaping us… until we stop and ask.

So make this your rhythm — let Him show you what’s in your heart, not with shame, but with gentleness and truth. That’s where real transformation begins.

This has brought me so much freedom in my own life, my marriage and my parenting.

Let’s go deeper into the topic of feeding in next week’s post — after we’ve taken time to let the Holy Spirit renew our minds.

Because only then can we truly discern God’s will — and that’s what we all want, isn’t it? Not just what’s trendy, or what worked for someone else, but what He is saying for our family, right now.

But if we’re still holding onto old mindsets, fears, or people-pleasing patterns, it’s hard to hear clearly. So this week, let’s do the heart work first. Let’s invite Him to speak, to reveal, and to gently shift anything that needs to align with truth.

Next time, we’ll get practical. But for now — let Him go deep.