It Takes a Village -2-
Yes, there is a Part one and I encourage you to read it first here.
Now, let's move on to the second point, which has been on my mind and offers a slightly different perspective to the first. The former encouraged us to include the family, friends and mentors around us who can speak into our lives, support us and encourage us during the challenging years of parenting.
In our very independent culture, we need to regain the beautiful idea that it takes a village.
But I often ask myself, have we misunderstood the quote? The quote doesn’t suggest, that we ourselves give up our role as parents and give it to the grandparents, child care or a nanny, that’s not what it means. But that’s often what we see in our western culture, we have given up our main care giver role all together. This may seem shocking, but let's do some maths. How many hours a week do you spend taking care of your children, and how many hours do other people, who don't share your values, spend doing the same? It's a pretty sobering outcome, isn't it? Or are you still the primary caregiver?
It takes a village” doesn’t mean handing our kids over for others to raise.
It means Mum and Dad stay first in line, and a godly village comes around them to support, strengthen and echo what’s being built at home.
I still remember growing up in an era when most mothers were housewives.
Kids went home for lunch, and having your mum there wasn’t looked down on – it was just normal.
Only kids from divorced parents had a key. They were the minority.
And this is not ancient history. I’m only 47.
So today, when I look at how different things are and how much harder it is to encourage mums, I can’t help but ask: what happened?
From Home to Workplace: When Did Mothers Start Leaving the Home?
In the 1960s–1970s, the birth control pill was approved in many Western nations. Suddenly women could plan pregnancies in a completely new way and stay longer in the workforce before or between children. Even while in many countries, the majority of moms still where the primary caregiver of their children, this slowly started to shift the narrative.
In 1963, Betty Friedan published The Feminine Mystique, which expressed the frustrations of many middle-class housewives by describing the full-time domestic role as a waste of women's talent and education
Listen to this for a moment:
Being a housewife and a mum has been called “a waste of female talent and education.”
How does that make you feel?
Have you grown so used to hearing things like this that it doesn’t even bother you anymore?
Do you maybe even, deep down, agree with it?
I love to slow down. I love to pause. We rush over statements like this far too quickly, without allowing them to confront us or transform us.
So take a moment. Sit with your thoughts and ask the Holy Spirit:
“What do I really believe about this? How do I see motherhood and the home in my own heart?”
Are you shocked by that sentence, or has it started to feel “normal”?
Hold that thought. Keep it with you.
Let's continue..
The message shifted from “a good mum is at home” to “a fulfilled woman has a career, her own money, and independence – children must fit around that.” Feminist activists pushed for state-funded childcare, equal career opportunities, and easier divorce. Motherhood and marriage were often portrayed as traps that held women back. During the 1970s, rising inflation and cost of living reinforced the shift: many families felt they needed two incomes.
Third-wave ideas started to emphasise individual choice, self-expression, and breaking every limitation. Work and career were heavily promoted as the main markers of adult identity and female success. Stay-at-home mothers were sometimes quietly treated as if they were wasting their education or “not doing much.”
Oh, have I heard that line over and over again.
Before my first child was born, I was working for a well-known American bank as a private banker. When my colleagues found out that I had decided to stay home full-time – even though at the time I was earning more than my husband – it was completely countercultural. (Thank God they didn’t know about the salary difference!) I was suddenly invited to every possible lunch, not to celebrate me, but to talk me out of it. I was told, again and again, “You’re making the worst decision of your life.”
Why?
Because, according to them, I would never again find a job as good as this one.
Because I was “throwing away everything women have fought for.”
Because “if your husband divorces you, you’ll have nothing.”
Because I was “too qualified” to “just” stay at home.
All very encouraging lunch breaks…
It didn’t take me long to realise that my job was not to convince them. And it didn’t take them long to realise… they couldn’t.
And since then, it's been about breaking through the glass ceiling, maximising your career and somehow keeping everything else spinning, too. Technology and smartphones blurred the lines between work and home, so mothers (and fathers) could now be available to work 24/7 while still trying to be present for their family. Social media then added a new layer of pressure: the image of the mum who “has it all” – career, perfect kids, beautiful home, ministry, and body goals – became the silent standard many compare themselves to.
We are living in this reality now. Many hats to wear and even more plates to juggle with exactly the same amount of time like our mothers and grandmothers.
When the Village Replaces Mum: How We Devalued Stay-at-Home Mothers
We’ve been told a lie: that being a stay-at-home mom is the least valuable kind of work, almost as if it doesn’t even count as a “real job”.
Any other type of carer gets a job title and a contract: nanny, daycare worker or educator. The minute it's paid for and carried out by someone else, it's miraculously called work. But when a mother does the same thing day and night with her whole heart, it's suddenly "nothing", "just at home" and "no career".
This is a lie straight from the pit and it has deeply devalued a role that God calls honourable and holy. And that’s why we’ve slowly started letting “the village” step into our place—handing over our role to others, even though the village was never meant to replace us, only to support us.
The Most Formative Years of a Child: Should Christian Parents Rethink Work?
It’s not about copying my story or flipping your whole life upside down.
What matters to me is that we dare to ask the question. Often we live as if we don’t have a choice.
Financial pressure is real, but we cannot forget He is our provider. And on top of that, it has almost become “normal” to bounce straight back to work after receiving God’s precious gift in our arms.
But we can’t ignore this: the most formative years of a child’s life are from birth to around seven, with an especially intense window from birth to three.
During those first three years, a child’s brain undergoes explosive growth. Connections are formed at a rate that will never be matched again. Every cuddle, every smile and word of comfort quietly teaches their nervous system:
'Am I safe? Am I seen? Can I trust the people who love me?'
From the ages of three to seven, they absorb everything: how we talk, how we pray (or don't), how we handle anger and conflict, how we treat our spouse, how we speak about others, how we use our phones and how we talk about God.
Those early years have a strong influence, and we cannot outsource them without facing the consequences. We don’t hear that often. If children spend the first seven years of their lives mostly in front of screens, in daycare, with exhausted parents and rushed evenings, that becomes the 'normal' that their hearts learn to expect. Conversely, if those years are filled with presence, affection, boundaries, prayer and stability, that becomes their inner reference point for life.
Therefore, when a mum or dad chooses to be more present during those early years, they are not “wasting their potential”. They are literally shaping a human being during one of the most sensitive and formative periods of their life.
Knowing that, we at least need to pause, bring it before God, and honestly ask:
“Lord, in this season, what does faithfulness look like for our family?”
This may feel scary – what if He really does say to reduce your job, or stop it for a while, or turn down that “perfect” opportunity?
Then rest assured: He will take care of you.
Jesus pointed to the birds in the sky and said they don’t plant, harvest or store up food, yet the Father feeds them every single day. And then He asked: “Aren’t you worth much more than they are?” (Matthew 6:26)
We have experienced God’s faithfulness in every season.
When I stopped working and my husband’s salary was lower than mine.
When we sold everything, rented out our house, and my husband quit his comfortable, well-paying job to go to the mission field.
In every one of those “this makes no sense on paper” moments, He has always been faithful – always enough, always on time, always one step ahead of us.
What is He saying to you?
His answer will be deeply personal – tailored to your family, your calling and the legacy He wants to build through you.
You will never regret following His call.
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