Stop Raising Egoists
We’ve made a video on this topic already, but it didn’t let me go. I’ve been carrying it in my spirit for weeks now. Often I don’t think we as parents really understand what we’re doing. We do it under the mantel of love—but if we’re honest, it’s not always love at all. Sometimes it’s fear. Sometimes it’s guilt. And sometimes it’s simply easier to give our kids what they want rather than teaching them what they need. And honestly, we slip into this quicker than we’d ever think. It’s become a habit rather than the exception. Most of us don’t even notice anymore—we just do it, because it feels normal, and because everyone else is doing the same thing.
This is so true! I’ve seen so many well-meaning parents make their little bundle of joy the absolute centre of their universe. I don't say that in a judgemental way — we all have the capacity to do it. It's a trap that any of us can fall into if we don't maintain a clear vision. Most of the time, we don’t even realise it’s happening: just a few small habits change, a little adjustment here or there for the child's happiness, and before we know it, everything revolves around them.
How many times have we asked our children questions like:
“Sweetheart, what do you want to eat?”
“Where do you want to go today?”
“How do you feel about this?”
Now, hear me on this—there’s nothing wrong with those kinds of questions in the right place. If it’s their birthday, a celebration, or a special event, of course you ask them, “What do you want?” That’s part of showing love and making a memory.
But the problem comes when those questions become the default, the only way we communicate with our children. When the constant rhythm of family life is, “What do you want? What makes you happy? How do you feel?”
Because it’s not moral in nature, it’s often hard to catch. We don’t usually mind what we eat, where we go, or what we do—and sometimes, when we’re tired, we’re even relieved to let someone else decide. But here’s the problem: when we consistently hand over those decisions, a child can easily become addicted to being the one who chooses every detail.
But that’s not the call of parenting. We are not called to revolve our entire life around our child. When we do that, we don’t bless them—we burden them.
Because the truth is, kids can’t carry that weight. It utterly overwhelms them. They cannot handle being the center of attention, the decision-maker of the family, the one sitting on the “king chair.”
And when they live in that space, they don’t grow in generosity. They don’t grow in patience. They don’t grow in service. They grow in self. The hard truth becomes we are raising egoists. And the world does not need another generation of selfish, entitled adults.
The world around us is loud. It tells our kids: “Follow your heart. Put yourself first. You do you.” And we—without realizing it—start echoing the same messages.
At first glance, it sounds harmless—even empowering. Who wouldn’t want their child to be confident, independent, and secure in their identity? But if we’re not careful, these cultural mantras can quietly shape our parenting. Instead of raising strong, humble, disciples, we risk raising little egoists—children who see the world only through the lens of me, myself, and I.
As parents, our calling is different. We are not here to raise kids who live for themselves. We are here to raise children who live for Christ. Kids who know how to serve, to love, and to walk humbly. Absolutely counter-culture.
But I don’t share this to shame anyone. I share it because I need the reminder myself. I need to step back and ask, “Am I raising my children to serve, or am I just keeping them comfortable?”
My hope is that as I share today, you’ll feel encouraged, not weighed down. Encouraged to break the cycle. Encouraged to raise kids who know how to live for Christ, not just for themselves. Encouraged to believe that you really can shift the culture of your home, starting today.
The Selfie Generation: “It’s All About You”
We live in a selfie culture. Social media, advertising, even children’s entertainment often scream one loud message: “It’s all about you!”
Think about it:
Kids’ shows frequently spotlight a character whose dreams and desires come first.
Marketing pushes the idea that “you deserve it” and “life should make you happy.”
Even in school, the message is reinforced—“Do what feels right to you. Follow your truth. Put yourself first.”
Now, of course, we should care about our children’s feelings. We should nurture their hearts and give them a safe place to express what’s going on inside. We’ve talked a lot about the importance of that already.
But here’s the danger—if our whole parenting approach revolves around keeping them comfortable and happy, then without meaning to, we are training them to believe the world will bend to them.
If mom and dad always revolve around them, then naturally they expect their teachers to do the same. Their friends to do the same. Their future boss to do the same. Their spouse to do the same.
And what’s the result? Kids who grow into adults that honestly believe everyone else exists to serve their needs. Adults who are hard to work with, hard to live with, hard to be married to. Selfish employees. Selfish spouses. Selfish parents.
God’s Blueprint Is Different
The Bible paints a radically different picture of life.
Philippians 2:3–4 commands:
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (ESV)
That’s the opposite of the “me first” culture.
Even Jesus Himself—the Son of God—said in Mark 10:45:
“For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.” (ESV)
This is powerful, isn’t it? It really gives us a clear roadmap for what’s needed in our parenting. If our children are going to truly follow Jesus, they must learn this posture of humility and service early on.
Because here’s the truth—humility does not come naturally. Selfishness does. You don’t have to teach a child how to say, “Mine!” That’s built in. What needs to be taught—over and over again—is patience, generosity, and putting others first.
And if we as parents don’t step in and intentionally train them in humility, you can be sure the world will step in and train them in entitlement. Culture is ready and waiting to disciple your kids—if you don’t.
Are We Feeding Their Ego Without Realizing It?
This is where things get uncomfortable. We need to stop pointing the finger at “the culture out there” for a moment and ask: What about our own homes?
Do we always give in to their demands just to keep the peace?
Do we solve every conflict for them instead of teaching patience and forgiveness?
Do we put their sports, activities, and desires at the center of our family life—while neglecting God’s Word, prayer, and mission?
Do we fear their disappointment more than we fear God?
Often the problem isn’t our children’s ego—it’s our own fear of saying no.
But parents, let’s be clear: saying “no” isn’t unloving. Boundaries aren’t unkind. Teaching obedience isn’t harsh. It’s biblical.
Five Ways to Break the Cycle of Egoism
So how do we shift gears? How do we stop feeding ego and start raising Christ-centered disciples?
Here are five practical, biblical ways to get started:
1. Model Humility
Kids don’t just hear what you say; they watch how you live. If they see you demanding your own way, cutting others off, or never admitting when you’re wrong, they’ll copy it.
But if they see you apologizing when you fail, serving others quietly, and putting Christ first in daily decisions, they’ll learn humility by example.
Ask yourself: When was the last time my child saw me repent? When was the last time they saw me put someone else’s needs before my own?
2. Teach Gratitude Daily
Entitlement and gratitude cannot coexist. One kills the other.
Build thanksgiving into your daily family rhythms:
Pray with your kids and thank God for specific blessings.
At the dinner table, share “three things you’re thankful for today.”
When your child complains, redirect them to gratitude: “Yes, this is hard, but what can we thank God for right now?”
A grateful heart kills entitlement and reorients a child toward God’s generosity.
3. Assign Real Responsibilities
Chores aren’t punishment. They’re preparation. They teach stewardship, responsibility, and service.
When kids fold laundry, sweep floors, or help prepare meals, they learn two key lessons:
Life doesn’t revolve around them.
Serving others is part of being in God’s family.
Start small, but be consistent. And don’t pay them for chores—service isn’t always rewarded with money. Sometimes it’s simply the right thing to do.
4. Redirect Praise Toward God
Of course, encourage your children! But notice how you frame it. Instead of only saying, “You’re amazing!” or “You’re the best!”—point them back to the Giver.
Say things like:
“Look how God has gifted you in math. How can you use that to bless others?”
“Wow, you played that song beautifully. Let’s thank God for the talents He’s given you.”
This helps your child see their strengths not as a pedestal for self, but as a platform for service.
5. Serve Together as a Family
Don’t just talk about service—do it. Find ways to serve as a family:
Deliver meals to a neighbor in need.
Pray regularly for missionaries.
Volunteer together at church.
Visit someone lonely.
When kids see service woven into the fabric of family life, it becomes natural for them too. This has been such an important part of our own family journey. Over the years, God has given us so many opportunities to serve together.
Early on, we started preparing Christmas gifts each year for children in Romania. I’ll never forget taking our kids shopping for those boxes. Instead of picking out toys or gadgets, we were putting things like toothbrushes, soap, and gloves into the cart.
And I can still see the look on our kids’ faces—absolutely stunned that these simple, everyday necessities could bring another child so much joy. It opened their eyes in a way no lecture ever could. It was service in action.
The Power of Obedience in Training
Here’s one more truth that’s often overlooked: children must be trained in obedience.
We live in an age where parents often hand decision-making power to kids far too young. “What do you want for dinner? Where do you want to go? What do you want to wear?”
This may feel empowering, but it actually trains children to believe that they get to decide everything. It feeds the illusion that life bends around their preferences.
Instead, we must lovingly but firmly teach them obedience. As parents, we make decisions for their good—not because we want control, but because God has entrusted us with the role of leading our homes.
When children learn to obey their parents, they are also learning the foundation of obeying their teachers, the police, their boss and ultimately God.
Why This Matters More Than Ever
Parents, the truth is hard but necessary: the world doesn’t need more self-obsessed adults. It doesn’t need another generation of young people who believe life is about chasing their feelings, following their heart, and putting themselves first.
The world needs young men and women who reflect Christ. Children who grow into adults who:
Love their spouses sacrificially.
Serve their Family.
Work diligently not for their own glory but for God’s.
Raise the next generation to do the same.
This is why parenting matters. This is why discipleship at home matters. Because the little daily choices you make—whether you give in, whether you set boundaries, whether you model humility—are shaping not just your child’s future, but the future of the church and the world.
The Ultimate Goal: Dying to Self, Living for Christ
At the end of the day, our kids don’t just need to “believe in themselves.” They don’t need more pep talks about how special they are or how the world should revolve around them.
They need something far greater.
They need to die to themselves. And they need to live for Christ.
Jesus said in Matthew 16:24–25:
“If anyone would come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.”
That is the only path to real joy. Not self-obsession. Not entitlement. Not ego. But surrender. Service. Love.
Final Encouragement
So, parent, let me ask you today: Are you unintentionally raising egoists? Or are you intentionally raising disciples?
The good news is, it’s not too late to shift gears. Start today by modeling humility, teaching gratitude, assigning responsibility, redirecting praise, and serving together. Start today by making Christ—not your child’s comfort—the center of your home.
Because when we stop raising egoists and start raising disciples, we don’t just change our families. We transform society. One family at a time!
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