How to Handle a Teen Who Lies -2-
This is actually the second post we’ve written on this topic. If you haven’t had the chance yet, go back and read the first one [here]. In today’s post, we’ll go a step further—looking more closely at reconciliation and exploring some practical ways we can continue moving toward healing and restoration in our homes.
Communication that Rebuilds Trust
A calm, loving conversation can open your teenager's heart. Even after trust has been broken by lies, open communication is a key tool for healing.
Rebuilding trust with a teenager who has been dishonest rarely happens quickly. More often than not, it’s a long process — longer than we would ever want — but healthy, steady communication is the bridge that will carry you across. Without it, lying can easily turn the parent–teen relationship into a cat-and-mouse game, with us slipping into the role of detective and them working overtime to stay one step ahead.
Perhaps you’ve been there: checking your teenager's phone, asking suspicious questions, while they either shut down completely or double down on their lies. It’s exhausting for everyone involved, and ultimately it only serves to deepen the mistrust on both sides, and you quickly realise that you cannot control anything.
To break out of that destructive pattern, we have to choose influence over surveillance. That means showing our teens we are on their side, not standing as their adversary. James 1:19 gives us a powerful reminder: “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” If our teens expect an outburst or immediate punishment the moment they confess, why would they risk honesty? Instead, we need to prove—slowly, consistently—that we can handle the truth with calmness and love.
And let’s be real: it’s much easier to write these words than to live them out. Walking this road takes prayer, practice, and more grace than we often feel we have. But only with God’s help, it is possible.
Here's one practical tip: set the tone at the start of a difficult conversation. Instead of asking, “Did you do _______?”, consider starting with something like: 'Listen, you might feel the urge to lie, but I want you to know that I love you no matter what. The best thing for you to do right now is to be honest, and I will support you through the consequences. (This doesn't mean there are no consequences, but it does mean that you will be recognised for your courage in telling the truth.)
Your teen may still choose to lie the next few times—that’s the reality of breaking old habits. But don’t lose heart. Each time you respond with steadiness, love, and acceptance, you’re laying a stronger foundation. You’re showing them that your relationship is a safe place, even when they stumble, and that truth will always be met with both grace and firmness.
What about when you catch them lying? In that heated moment when you have proof of the lie, it’s easy to explode – “How dare you lie to me!?” But Proverbs 15:1 reminds us, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Take a deep breath and, if needed, give yourself space before addressing the issue. Sometimes even a short walk outside helps to reset your tone. When you do speak, keep it firm but invitational. For example, you might say, I know what happened, and we do need to talk about it. I’m disappointed because honesty matters deeply in our family. But more than punishing the lie, I want us to understand why this happened and how we can rebuild trust together.
Another key to rebuilding trust is refusing to shame your teen. Correct the behavior, not their identity. Instead of labeling them a liar, name the specific action: You lied about your grades, and that matters. This keeps the focus on the choice, not who they are.
Public shaming is especially damaging. Never turn your teen’s failures into a joke, or call them out in front of siblings or friends. Correction should be private, respectful, and aimed at restoration — not embarrassment. Not only does that humiliate them, it can harden their resolve to never open up to you. Instead, handle these matters privately with grace.
Remember the story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11–32)? The father’s embrace of his returning son is a model for us. In theory, we love that story, but until it's our own son or daughter walking home in shame, we don't realise how hard — yet how crucial — it is to respond with compassion.
Does showing compassion mean ignoring the lying? Not at all. It means we address it in a way that still preserves the relationship. Truth and grace can go hand-in-hand.
Loving them doesn’t mean believing their lies. When you confront a lie, it means doing so with patience and a desire to help them grow, rather than merely punishing them.
Discipline with Grace and Consistency
Rebuilding trust involves appropriate discipline for lying, applied with a gracious spirit. The Bible is clear that parents are to discipline children in love: “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace” (Hebrews 12:11). We discipline our teenagers for their own good, not to express our anger.
So what does disciplining a lying teen look like in real life? It will vary with the situation, but it usually means losing a privilege or making things right where trust was broken. What matters most is consistency and clarity. Let your teen know—calmly—that lying carries consequences because trust is precious. And if the lie happens, lovingly but firmly follow through.
That said, discipline should never be motivated by anger. Don't punish in the heat of the moment. Take a step back, pray first and, if possible, talk it through with your spouse. If you’re a single parent, reach out to a trusted friend — it helps to have someone to support you. Even in difficult situations, having another steady voice can provide valuable perspective.
When you do impose a consequence, make sure it is proportionate to the offence. If your child lies about their screen time, for example, you might restrict their screen time for a while. The goal isn’t to “make them pay”, but to guide them. You could say something like, 'Trust has been broken right now, but this consequence is a step towards rebuilding it.' I forgive you, and I want you to see that being truthful is worthwhile.
If you sense dishonesty but aren’t sure, bring it to prayer. Ask God to reveal the truth—He is faithful and will bring light to what is hidden. You don’t need to carry the burden of exposing every lie. Too often we feel like we have to fight and win every battle ourselves, but that’s not true—we can’t. Even if it seems like someone is lying, the best thing you can do is lay it at the foot of the cross and trust God to deal with it. Your role is to keep pointing your teen toward truth, while trusting God to expose what needs to be seen. Sometimes, extending a bit of trust—even when you’re not fully sure it’s deserved—can stir a teen’s conscience and draw them back toward honesty.
Practical Steps Toward Restoration
By now you might be thinking, I get the big picture—heart work, grace, communication. But what about tomorrow, when my teen lies again? What do I actually do in that moment? Here are some practical steps we’ve found helpful.
Pray, Pray, Pray – for Your Teen and with Your Teen. This is not a cliché – it’s your lifeline. Prayer invites the Holy Spirit to do the heart-work you cannot do. Pray daily for your teen’s honesty and salvation. When they’re at school, go into their room, anoint it with oil, and seek God for a spiritual battle plan — ask Him what to pray for specifically. Worship in their room.
Pray with your teen when it’s appropriate, asking God to help both of you love truth. Even a simple prayer like, “Lord, help us to trust each other and follow You in truth,” plants seeds. Let your child hear you pray for them. It shows your dependence on God — and sometimes it will convict them more than any lecture ever could.
Check Your Own Heart and Approach. Before you address a lying incident, take a moment alone. Are you boiling with anger? Are you devastated personally (“How could you do this to me?”)? Ask God to calm your spirit. If you’ve blown up at your teen’s honesty in the past, consider apologizing to them. Yes, you read that right – apologize. For example: “Son, last time you told me something hard, I yelled at you. That was wrong. I’m sorry, and I’m asking God to help me respond more calmly. I want you to be able to tell me anything.” This kind of humility can soften your teen’s defensiveness. Show them what repentance looks like by owning your mistakes.
Establish Clear Boundaries and Consequences. Make sure your teen knows the family rule that lying is unacceptable and will have consequences. Outline what some of those consequences might be. This isn’t to threaten them, but to underscore how important honesty is. Keep the rules consistent and follow through. At the same time, assure your teen that rules aside, your relationship and love are unbreakable. It might sound like: “Because I love you, I can’t ignore lying. If you choose to lie, there will be a result, like losing your phone for a week. But NOTHING you do will ever make me stop loving you – I want you to know that. My goal isn’t to punish you, it’s to help you grow.”
Invite Open Communication – and Listen Well. Create regular space for conversation that isn’t just about confronting problems. Often, teens lie because meaningful communication has broken down. Work on rebuilding that bridge by spending time together. If you don’t do it yet, plan regular dates with each child. Go for ice cream, play a video game they like, drive them to school – and just listen. Let them talk about their friends, their stress, even their complaints about you without jumping in to correct every detail. The more they feel heard in daily life, the more likely they’ll be honest when it really counts. Strive to be the parent that your teen knows they can approach with hard truths. We often reminded our kids, There is nothing so bad that you can’t tell us. We might be upset, but we will always work it out together. Of course, we had to back that up by staying calm when they did tell the truth. And when we didn’t get it right—when we overreacted—we had to humble ourselves and apologize. That honesty from us showed them that grace and forgiveness really are part of our family’s foundation.
Use Scripture and Prayer in Correction. Don’t shy away from opening the Bible together about this issue – not as a weapon to browbeat them, but as light to shine on the path. Show them verses like Proverbs 12:22 or Ephesians 4:25, and discuss briefly why God values honesty. Perhaps do a family devotion on a Bible story involving lying like Peter’s restoration after his denials. Let God’s Word speak to their conscience. And when you discipline or discuss a lying incident, pray at the end: “Lord, help __ to love the truth and give them strength to be honest. Help me to guide them with wisdom. Thank you for Your forgiveness.” This reinforces that the real issue is spiritual, not just about house rules.
Reinforce Positive Steps. When your teen tells the truth – especially in a tough situation – acknowledge it warmly. It’s easy to only notice the lies and forget to praise the victories. But catching your teen doing right is powerful. For example, if you ask, “Did you finish your homework?” and they hesitantly admit, “No, I didn’t,” resist the urge to blow up. First, thank them for being truthful: “I appreciate you being honest with me.” Then you can address the homework issue. By praising truthfulness, you’re showing them honesty is valued in your home.
Remind Them of Their Identity in Christ. If your teen is a believer, circle back to the truth of who they are. “You’re God’s child. Jesus is working in you to make you like Him – and He is the Truth (John 14:6)! This lying is not who you truly are.” Even share Scriptures like Colossians 3:9–10, which say that now that we belong to Christ, we’ve “put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed… after the image of its creator.” In other words, lies are part of the “old you,” not the new you in Jesus.
Be Patient and Don’t Give Up. Overcoming a pattern of lying won’t happen overnight. There may be setbacks – times you catch them in yet another lie and feel like throwing up your hands. But don’t give in to despair. Galatians 6:9 encourages us, “Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” Your consistent love, prayers, and wise boundaries are making a difference, even if you don’t see the full fruit yet. Trust that God is working behind the scenes. Keep the long view: our ultimate goal is our teen’s heart in God’s hands, not just immediate compliance. We’re parenting for the long haul – for their character and faith to flourish in adulthood.
Trusting the Great Shepherd
As we close, remember this: lying is just one chapter in your teen’s story, not the whole book. God is the Redeemer—He takes brokenness and writes new endings. He can shape a heart that leans toward deceit into one that loves truth. And it begins with parents who don’t give up—who keep loving, praying, and speaking truth with grace.
This is a big one! Who else will speak out the unseen over our children if not us as parents? The world shouts labels and false identities, but we are called to get God’s prophetic view of who He made them to be. There is a real war for our children’s souls, and we as parents must step into the gap — praying, declaring, and speaking prophetically over them what no one else sees, but what heaven already proclaims.
God loves your child even more than you do. Where you feel weak, He is strong. Celebrate the small victories, thank Him for every step forward, and keep your hope anchored in Christ, not in your teen’s performance.
You are not walking this road alone. The same God who is working in your teen is also working in you—teaching you how to love with holy honesty and abundant grace.
“I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.” – 3 John 1:4
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