Investing in Your Marriage Makes It Divorce-Proof
I read this pretty provocative statement the other day, and it intrigued me. Though I’d rather phrase it in a more positive light, the title was unmistakably attention-grabbing: If Kids are your top Priority you will divorce.
Let’s turn it around: If you invest in your marriage, you'll be building something strong enough to make it nearly divorce-proof. Because here’s the truth—no one has a guarantee. We’re all human, and each of us can make our own choices. More on that later.
I am well aware that some reading this may not agree. I’ve had many discussions where my counterpart didn’t either. They tried to convince me that children are dependent and need all of us, that children are a part of us in a way our spouse isn’t, that the love of a child is secure while the love of a spouse is not.
I have seen how, in some ways, this becomes a form of protection. If I invest in my child, it feels lasting, unshakable. But if I invest in my marriage—what if he or she leaves me? The stories of heartbreak are countless, and the fear is real.
Sometimes, without even realizing it, our children can become our escape.
When things feel strained in our marriage, it can be easier to pour all our energy into them—into their needs, their routines, their world—while quietly pulling away from our spouse.
But in doing so, they become the center of our focus—a place they were never meant to carry.
A too heavy burden for little hearts.
Your heart may be nodding in agreement... but if you're honest, reality paints a different story.
Without meaning to, your children have become your top priority - your central focus.
Although you wouldn't say it out loud, your energy, time and emotions have begun to revolve around them.
Yes, our children are entrusted to us. They depend on our care, presence and love.
However, their true security isn’t found in being the main focus of our attention.
It’s rooted in the strength of our foundation—
in the way we love, honor, and show up for one another in marriage.
We are their world, and if there are cracks in that foundation, whether it's disconnection or unintentionally making them the centre of attention, they will feel it.
And it will shape them—often far more than we realize.
And please don’t mistake this—none of us have a golden ticket to smooth sailing. Every marriage requires effort, intentionality, and grace. We are all working and fighting toward a healthy, thriving relationship.
You might be facing more than just cracks; maybe you’re standing in front of what feels like deep fractures. But know this—there is hope. Don’t stop investing just because it feels easier to pour all your attention into your children instead.
And one important caution I don’t want to overlook—if you are in an abusive marriage, please seek help. You are not alone, and there are people who want to support you through this. Don’t stay in a place of harm—there is hope and a way forward.
But let’s look at how we can break this cycle through awareness first:
The Biblical Order of Relationships
When we look at Scripture, God has a clear design for marriage and family. In Genesis, we see that a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). Before there were children, there was a marriage covenant.
That covenant remains the foundation of the family. We love our children deeply, but they are given to us to raise and release. Our spouse, however, is the one we are called to walk with for life. Yet, so often, marriages take a backseat to parenting, work, or even ministry.
If the enemy can weaken marriages, he weakens families.
And if he can weaken families, he begins to fracture entire communities.
Because strong families are built on strong, Christ-centered marriages.
Investing in your marriage isn’t just about keeping the peace or finding happiness—
it’s a spiritual act of war.
It’s a declaration that your home will be a place of unity, not division.
Of truth, not confusion.
Of covenant, not convenience.
This kind of investment ripples out—into your children, your church, and the world around you.
It becomes salt and light to the people around you.
Love Your Children by Loving Your Spouse
One of the greatest gifts you can give your children is a strong, healthy marriage. Children feel secure when they see love modeled between their parents. They learn what commitment looks like, how to handle disagreements, and what it means to honor a covenant. There’s so much more we’re modeling than we even realize.
And let’s be honest—that can feel a little scary at times.
How many parents do you know who have poured everything into their children, convinced it was the right thing to do? Now, as they grow up and become independent, they feel lost in their marriage. They realise that they have unintentionally neglected what was meant to be a lifelong relationship and suddenly they have nothing in common except the children who are moving out, their relationship has been starved.
Even researchers recognize the positive impact of a strong husband-wife relationship. Check out our blog on this topic! [First Things First]
The Fear of Investing
It’s understandable—some hesitate to pour into their marriage out of fear. What if I give my all, and it still falls apart? But here’s the truth: investing in your marriage doesn’t mean it will never face struggles. It means that when struggles arise, you're building a foundation strong enough to endure them. While we can’t always control the outcome, one thing is certain—marriage is shaping us.
It’s forming us into the likeness of Christ—teaching us to forgive when it’s hard,
to love with intention, to honor one another in the everyday,
to extend grace, speak gently, and choose humility—again and again.
Love isn’t about avoiding risk. It’s about choosing faith over fear. It’s about trusting that when you prioritize your marriage, you are aligning with God’s design. And His design is always worth investing in. It’s not about whether your spouse deserves it or not—our love for them isn’t based on a system of works. We are growing into unconditional love. And while I’m writing this, don’t mistake it for me saying I’ve "arrived" in any sense. It’s an ongoing journey. There are moments when I feel mistreated or overlooked, and my first instinct is to retreat—or even give a sharp, hurtful response. And while I do, in the quiet, gentle way only the Holy Spirit can, I’m convicted to choose love once more. He whispers to me, reminding me that love isn’t about whether it’s deserved;
it’s about choosing to offer it—consistently, quietly, and sometimes sacrificially—
even when it feels hard.
Practical Ways to Invest in Your Marriage
Prioritize Time Together – It doesn’t have to be extravagant. Regular date nights, meaningful conversations, and small moments of connection matter. I am repeating myself only because I know that the majority of couples don’t have a weekly date night.
Pray Together – A marriage built on prayer is a marriage built on solid ground. Invite God into your relationship daily.
Speak Life – Words hold power. Choose to affirm, encourage, and speak kindly to and about your spouse.
Work Through Conflict with Grace – Disagreements will come. Learn to listen well, seek understanding, and extend forgiveness.
Protect Your Marriage – Set healthy boundaries. Guard your time, your conversations, and your heart from anything that would create division.
Because divorce doesn’t happen from one single moment—just like a healthy relationship isn’t built in one grand gesture. It’s the little things, the small, daily choices—the quiet habits.
Healing
If you’re just now thinking, “Hold on… I might actually be prioritizing my kids over my marriage in the day-to-day,”—you’re not alone.
Maybe you’ve been staying up late to care for the kids, leaving little time for your spouse. Or perhaps you’ve been so focused on school projects or extracurricular activities that date nights have slipped away.
Maybe you've already known, but now you're feeling convicted. What comes next? You might be wondering, How do I break this cycle that’s been going on for so long?
Sit with the Holy Spirit. Let Him uncover the root issue. Ask Him, What is it? Is it fear, perhaps because you’ve come from a broken family? Is it a sense of guilt, feeling like you need to sacrifice everything for your children’s well-being? Is it control, feeling safer managing everything yourself? What else might be at the heart of it?
Ask Him what lie you’ve started to believe and who in your life helped you believe that lie. Then, forgive wholeheartedly. Choose to forgive right now and ask the Holy Spirit for the truth that will break the power of that lie. Ask Him to reveal His truth about who you are, your identity in Christ, and His plans for your marriage and family.
A Legacy Worth Building
Marriage is not just about today; it’s about building a legacy. It’s not a sprint it’s a marathon. When you invest in your spouse, you create a foundation of love and security that impacts generations. Your children will carry the lessons of your relationship into their own marriages. One day, they will say, "My parents built a beautiful foundation of love—not a perfect one, but one that reflected humility and forgiveness.
The model I grew up with was far from perfect. It was a home filled with tension and too many fights. But one thing it taught me, above all else, is that you never give up. My parents are still together. While it hasn't always been easy, their commitment has taught me something valuable: Commitment matters. Even when things get messy.
So I encourage you—invest in your marriage. Not out of fear, but out of faith. Not because it’s easy, but because it’s worth it. And most of all, because God designed it to be a covenant, a reflection of His love, and a place where His glory can shine.
We have so many more posts about this, and I’ll never tire of writing about it because I know how much I need the reminder myself. I hope you find encouragement in it too.
What is one simple, intentional way you can invest in your marriage this week?
Not a huge gesture—just one thing that says, “I see you. I choose you. We matter.”
Maybe it’s speaking words of encouragement.
Maybe it’s going on a date.
Maybe it’s praying together, or putting your phone down during dinner.
Whatever it is, pick one thing—and stick with it.
Let it take root before you move on to the next.