Complaining
Is your child known for complaining? Or is gratitude their main “language”?
Be honest—yes, there are children who naturally see the glass as half full. But for most, gratitude isn’t automatic. It’s a discipline, a habit of the heart that must be modeled, encouraged, and reinforced. Taught. Left on its own, the heart drifts faster toward complaining and entitlement than toward thankfulness. I’ve seen this happen in my own family, and I imagine you have too.
Toddlers naturally whine—it’s part of how they communicate before they develop words and self-control. In many ways, it’s their only option. However, if we don't step in and guide them, the whining won't simply disappear with age.
But isn’t that what we secretly hope for? If you do not deal with it, it will get worse into a pattern of constant complaining.
And if we’re honest, that’s not just a kid problem—it’s a human problem. Without correction, it doesn’t fade; it grows. What starts as a whiny tone at age four can become bitterness at fourteen and entitlement at forty.
Whining alone can already feel exhausting—that tone, that attitude! But complaining takes it to a whole new level. We all know adults who are grateful and joyful—the kind of people who always seem to find a solution and whose very presence lifts others up. They carry a lightness, a joy that makes them easy and refreshing to be around.
But then, add in just one person who constantly complains, and suddenly the atmosphere shifts. Everything feels heavier, darker. Nothing is ever good enough. Even on the most beautiful day, they manage to find the tiny cloud and draw everyone’s attention to it. Over time, that negativity drains energy, You had a good day, but being around people like that too long, effects you.
You see the same thing in kids. One child wakes up with a smile, tells you how beautiful you are, and marvels at what a beautiful day it is. Another child, on the other hand, starts the morning already worried about what’s ahead, rolling their eyes at the thought of trying something new, or dismissing your plans with, “That’s boring anyway.”
The question is: Which child do you have? Or maybe, like me, you have both.
No Comparisons—But a Calling
The point isn’t to compare one child against another. A grateful child hasn’t somehow “earned” their perspective, just as a negative child isn’t “at fault” for theirs. For some kids, gratitude seems to flow without much effort—they naturally see the bright side. For others, it doesn’t come as easily, and they need more intentional guidance to cultivate it.
And that’s where our parenting mission begins. We are the ones God has entrusted to patiently teach, redirect, and encourage our children toward thankfulness. Gratitude is not just a temporary emotion; it’s an attitude, a way of viewing the world. Like any habit, it takes practice and repetition to develop. It won't change overnight; in fact, it may take years of nurturing before it becomes deeply rooted. But every seed of gratitude we sow matters. Over time, these small seeds grow into a way of seeing the world that shapes our entire lives.
So don't lower the bar for that one child. It’s tempting to think, 'Maybe this kid just isn't capable of learning in the same way as the others,' and adjust our expectations accordingly. I understand the dilemma: it feels too difficult; you don't see any improvements; and you're starting to think it's not working. But that’s not the answer. Keep the bar where it is. Yes, it may take longer, demand more patience, and require more repetition, but stay committed to the process. The goal is not to make it easier; it's to support your child until they succeed.
Signs of a Complaining Spirit
Do you recognize some of these patterns in your home?
Your child always has to have the last word.
They question or criticize your instructions.
They complain or whine because they feel like the victim.
They argue, grumble, or resist constantly.
All of these are signs of dissatisfaction. Sometimes, when we really stop to listen, we realise that our children complain more than we thought, because we have allowed it to grow under our supervision.
Perhaps you’re reading this and don’t seem to have a problem with it because you think it’s normal for children to complain. You believe it's simply the way things are and are secretly hoping it will resolve itself. But it won't. Don't allow this kind of communication to continue without teaching your children how to express themselves properly. There really is a better way. Curious?
So What Can We Do?
Firstly, pay close attention to what your child says—and how they say it. Has complaining quietly become their default way of communicating? Sometimes it slips in without us even realizing it. We, too, can grow used to a certain tone in the house, sensing that the atmosphere feels heavy but not quite able to pinpoint why. Often, it’s this very habit of complaining that’s weighing everything down.
Secondly, establish boundaries. Agree together that complaining will not be the 'language' of your home. If your children are a little older, sit down and talk to them about this change. Explain that constant negativity affects not only the family atmosphere, but also their own attitude and outlook on life. Don't expect them to understand fully right away. What will speak loudest is your resolve and consistency in following through.
Thirdly, be the model! It always starts with us—yes, once again. If we are known for complaining, we cannot expect to teach our children something different. But don’t be discouraged—it’s never too late. We can also learn. Begin by becoming aware of your own communication style. Then go to your kids, humbly ask their forgiveness, and let them know that you’re working on this alongside them. That honesty and humility will speak louder than words.
With younger children
Whenever they complain, have them say five positive things. This helps shift their perspective. We did this with our own kids—and honestly, some days it felt like we had to do it a hundred times! But keep going, because each time you’re giving them a chance to focus on something different. What comes most naturally to them may be the negative, but you can train their eyes and hearts to see the good.
Also, teach them to respond with “Yes, Mommy” or “Yes, Daddy” when you give instructions. If they want to talk back, gently remind them that the right answer in that moment is obedience. And if this is brand new to your child, practice it in a fun moment—not only in the heat of correction. That way, they’ll learn it with joy and not resentment.
If they started to whine, we would remind them that whining is not an acceptable form of communication in our home. If they were “bored,” we’d gladly give them a chore to do. And if the whining continued, that chore became their next assignment—along with saying five positive things. Did they love it? Of course not. Did the whining stop immediately? Not at all. But we weren’t after a quick fix. We were teaching them a different way to communicate, and the key was staying consistent.
Another simple but powerful practice is to bring gratitude into everyday routines, like mealtimes. At the dinner table, go around and have each person share what they are grateful for that day. It doesn’t have to be big—sometimes it’s the little things that matter most. This habit trains everyone, kids and adults alike, to look for the good and to give thanks out loud. Over time, it shifts the atmosphere of your home from negativity to thankfulness.
With Teens
Their complaining might sound more like sarcasm, eye-rolling, or attitude, but at the heart it’s still the same spirit of discontent. Remind them of the conversations you’ve already had about maintaining a positive outlook on life, and emphasise that it changes their perspective. Stay engaged in dialogue — it’s important that they know you’re not giving up on them. Breaking old patterns takes time.
With teens, you can adapt some of the same strategies from earlier: encourage them to notice positives, but instead of “say five things,” maybe challenge them to write down one or two things they’re thankful for each day. Around the dinner table, include them in the family gratitude practice, and make space for honest but respectful sharing. When boredom turns into complaining, redirect them toward responsibility—sometimes that means helping with a task, sometimes that means stepping back and letting them own a solution.
Most of all, model what it looks like. Let them see you choosing gratitude, even when life feels frustrating. Teens may not admit it right away, but they are watching, and your consistency speaks louder than any lecture.
Having a grateful attitude isn't just about having a positive personality — it's about the way you feel inside. As parents, we can encourage our children to stop complaining and start being thankful. Don’t lose hope if progress seems slow. It takes years to grow gratitude, and sometimes you won't see any change right away. But remember: every seed of thankfulness you plant in your children shapes something priceless in them — a gift that will stay with them long after childhood.
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