Humility in Parenting, How to Raise Children With Wisdom, Grace, and Strong Relationships

Parenting

Jun 9

Written By Shamira

Christian parenting guide on teaching children humility with biblical wisdom and faith-filled family practices

Humility. What a loaded word. Do I really want to go there? Is it even a click-worthy keyword? Probably not, but I rarely go to popular topics, only maybe when I feel the need for more hopeful content.

In this post, we explore what humility really means, why it matters in parenting, and how practicing humility shapes your relationship with your children for life.

This may not be what you were waiting for, but you are here, welcome!

Humility may not be a trending parenting topic, but it is one of the most foundational qualities for building strong families.

What Is Humility and Why Does It Matter

By definition, humility means accepting external circumstances without complaint and not considering oneself too important. Other synonyms include contentment, devotion, and sacrifice. It reflects the attitude of a servant.

True humility in parenting is not weakness, but strength under control.

Wait…it only gets better, stay with me.

Why Humility Feels Difficult Today

Today, the meaning of this word seems to have lost its impact. Take a moment for self-reflection and consider the range of emotions this word evokes in you. Does it bring up a positive feeling, or does it carry a hint of negativity, or even a complete sense of aversion?

Being aware of the weight of certain words is important in life, but also in parenting. This self-awareness is critical to approaching the concept with a fresh and unburdened perspective.

Modern culture often resists humility, making it harder for parents to embrace it naturally.

What Might Be Blocking Humility

But if you've painfully realized that this word carries a heavy backpack of negative emotions, it's worth pausing and digging deeper. Invite the Holy Spirit to reveal the root.

Perhaps it's one of the following:

Misinterpretation: Some people may perceive humility as weakness or lack of confidence, associating it with being passive or easily taken advantage of.
Ego and pride: The concept of humility often involves putting others before yourself and acknowledging your limitations. Individuals with strong egos or excessive pride may resist embracing humility because it challenges their self-perceived importance.
Cultural influences: People's attitudes toward certain virtues can be shaped by cultural values and societal expectations. Humility may be seen as counterproductive in cultures that value individualism and self-promotion.
Fear of exploitation: People who have experienced exploitation or mistreatment may associate humility with vulnerability. This fear of being taken advantage of could lead to a negative perception of humility.
Competitive environments: In highly competitive environments where self-assurance and self-promotion are rewarded, individuals may view humility as a barrier to success.
Personal insecurities: Individuals who struggle with personal insecurities may resist embracing humility for fear that it will highlight their perceived shortcomings.

Understanding these barriers is the first step toward embracing humility in everyday life and parenting.

Perhaps one of them hit you. Take the time later to delve into its depths. Root work is not easy; many people shy away from it, but once you realize the freedom that comes with it, nothing compares, and you do not want to go back to being unconsciously "captive". Your steps will change the course of future generations; it's not just for you, it's for your children and their children. It's so much bigger, and if we could fully grasp that, we would get a bigger picture; these intimate times of processing become the hopeful message we send into the future.

Inner healing and self-awareness directly impact how we parent and lead our families.

A Biblical Perspective on Humility

So, once again, let’s take it step-by-step:

Humility.

In the Merriam-Webster dictionary, it is defined as "freedom from pride or arrogance."

The Urban Dictionary states: True humility is to recognize your value and others’ value while looking up. It is to see that there is far greater than ourselves into who we can become, who others can become, and how much more we can do and be. To be humble is to serve others and be for their good as well as your own. To be humble is to have a realistic appreciation of your great strengths, but also of your weaknesses

Interestingly, humility in German includes the word courage (DeMUT).

I love C.S. Lewis ' quote: Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.

Most of all, you know me by now, I love what the Bible says about it:

With humility comes wisdom. (Proverbs 11:2)

Those who humble themselves will be exalted. (Luke 14:7-11)

God shows favor to the humble. (James 4:6-10)

WOW, just these alone, and there are more, give us a glimpse into biblical humility.

Biblical humility is closely connected to wisdom, favor, and spiritual growth.

Why Humility Is Essential in Parenting

How does this relate to parenting? Well, it's quite significant. Allow me to explain.

Over the past few months, I've been thinking more about what the relationship between my adult children and me will be like. What kind of relationship do I want with them? More specifically, what kind of relationship do I want them to have with me?

We all have our personal stories and know friends who either love visiting their parents or feel it's a duty, are excited to answer the phone when mom calls, or roll their eyes, hoping for no signal...the list goes on.

Our children are not a project that we complete after 18 years. The relationship we have with them later on is fundamentally shaped by the quality of the relationship we have now, but also by the "post-parenting" years. How is our interaction after they leave home? Do we demand or invite, control, empower, nag, or speak life over?

Regardless of your child's age, you're shaping the future in the present. Take it one step at a time, and while the daily grind may be exhausting, pause to catch a glimpse of the meaningful future you are building.

The way we parent today shapes the quality of our relationship with our children in the future.

Humility in Action, Apologies, Repentance, and Restoration

How are you actively living repentance, forgiveness, and restoration with your children today? I've come to realize that the kryptonite* for this is justification. (*Wikipedia: Kryptonite is a fictional mineral from the DC Universe. Kryptonite is the most famous weakness of Superman and other Kryptonians. I guess you can tell that I have teenagers and have seen a lot of superhero movies.

Justification often destroys the power of genuine apology in parenting.

What do I mean by this? If you are aware of your strengths and weaknesses, honestly and courageously apologize to your child for raising your voice, treating him unfairly, overreacting, or simply losing patience, it doesn't help to justify yourself immediately afterwards.

"If you had listened earlier, I wouldn't have had to raise my voice!" "If you had paid better attention, the lamp wouldn't have broken!" "If you hadn't been so ungrateful all day, then...!"

Small phrases can quickly undo the trust we are trying to build with our children.

The list could go on and on.

Do you recognize yourself in one or more of these sentences? How quickly can we destroy our good intentions with a small phrase? How seriously does your child take your apology when it's for YOUR lack of self-control, kindness, patience, gentleness, or love?

How willingly do you accept an apology when your counterpart, in the same breath, blames you or difficult circumstances for it? I've noticed that the humble "I'm sorry, will you forgive me?" that we've taught our children evokes so much more than a simple sorry—more than I was aware of.

Firstly, I noticed in its use that this phrase is harder to say than a simple sorry.
Secondly, it makes me vulnerable because I can't just casually say it in passing; I have to wait for my child's response.

However, the process isn't complete until they say, "I forgive you." But if I start justifying myself, all the previous effort is wasted. What my child will remember is not the sincere apology but the justification, which shifts the responsibility away from me and onto others.

Children learn integrity when parents take full responsibility for their actions.

Questions to Reflect On as a Parent

I could continue this entry endlessly! The topic engages and inspires me at the same time. But for this post, I leave you with some questions:

Do you parent with humility?
What does humility even mean to you?
Are you aware of your strengths and weaknesses in parenting?
How do your apologies well?
Do you justify yourself, or blame others for your behavior?

Self-reflection is a powerful tool for growth in parenting and personal character.

Growing in Humility as a Parent

I believe it's worth reflecting on these questions. Not to remind yourself of how bad you are, but to encourage yourself to bite your tongue once in a while. And believe me, I have to do that more often! Especially this week, for example, when I wanted to put away our daughter's old smartphone that she wanted to sell, and it fell, breaking the display.

Real-life moments are where humility is practiced, not just understood.

Do you know how quickly the thought came to me: "Why did you put your smartphone there in the first place? You should have put it away, and why didn't you have a protective case...blah...blah...blah...!"

Fortunately, I'm a bit further along today than I would have shouted that out. However, it took an extra dose of self-control to simply humbly say: I'm sorry, that was entirely my fault, and I will take care of it – and END!

Simple, honest apologies build deeper trust than long explanations.

We are all a work in progress. Parenting with humility creates a stronger emotional connection and long-term respect. I would have said exactly the first sentence mentioned above earlier, only to apologize later. Being a parent means frequently humbly accepting your own transgressions and communicating them. The acceptance, forgiveness, and connection you receive from your children afterward is incomparable.

A Prayer for Humility in Parenting

How about praying this powerful verse: Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips. Psalms 141:3

So, what relationship do you want with your adult child? Start building it now!

Humility in parenting is not about perfection, but about consistency, honesty, and a willingness to grow.