Raising Modest Teen Girls in an Overexposed World -2-
This is part two of A Mom’s Guide to Raising Young Girls. If you missed Part One, I really encourage you to pause here and go read it first—it lays the foundation you’ll need before diving into this next section. You can find it here.
Now let’s step into the teenage years.
Here’s the thing: rolling your eyes, saying 'I would never have been allowed to dress like that when I was your age' or making a sarcastic comment might feel natural at the time, but it shuts things down. Rather than opening the door to her heart, it closes it. Right now, what your daughter needs most is space for honest conversations from the heart.
On the other hand, saying nothing at all can seem like the safer option. Perhaps you think, 'I don't want to push her away,' so you stay quiet and never bring it up. But silence doesn't build trust either. Without gentle boundaries, she’s left without the steady guidance she longs for.
This is why you can't swing to either extreme — sarcasm and criticism on the one hand, or silence and passivity on the other. What she needs is a parent who is present. Someone who listens with compassion and leads with wisdom.
Because, at the end of the day, you are still her parent. Say it with me: You are still her parent.
Yes, raising a teenager means learning to give her more space, but that doesn’t mean stepping back completely. Your daughter still needs boundaries.
If you haven’t read Part One yet, please go back and do so. None of this will make sense without reading that first piece. Because underneath the choices, the boundaries, the fashion, the feelings—this is ultimately about identity. It’s about how you model womanhood. It’s about the way your own healing journey weaves into hers.
So please, take that first step. Lay the foundation. I promise, I’ll still be right here when you come back. :-)
For those of you who are ready—let’s talk about the teenage years. Depending on your daughter, some of these things may start earlier, but remember: the foundation is built long before adolescence. What you plant in the younger years will bear fruit later.
Ever heard, “But Mom, everyone at school is wearing it!”
Let's be honest — fashion peer pressure is no joke. We’ve all experienced it, and even when walking through stores, it can feel impossible to find anything other than tiny, trendy pieces. It's tough. Trends change quickly, and the pressure to fit in can be intense. But this is precisely the moment when we must teach our girls to lead, not follow.
Identity Comes In—Again
This is where identity makes all the difference.
We don’t just want our daughters to follow trends—we want them to set them. To have the confidence to say, “That might be popular, but it’s not for me,” when something doesn’t align with who they are or what they stand for.
Because this goes so much deeper than just clothes.
If a girl learns to constantly look to others for what to wear, she’s also being trained to look to others for how to live.
And we’ve seen it—parents saying, “I don’t want my daughter to miss out,” and so they make choices that don’t fully align with their values. Often, it’s not rebellion—it’s fear.
Fear that their child will be left out.
Fear that if they say no, they’ll push her away.
Fear that comes from their own teenage wounds—whether from rejection, insecurity, or growing up in a rigid religious environment where rules were emphasized more than relationship.
But here's the truth: when we raise daughters who know their identity in Christ, we give them something better than blending in. We give them the strength to stand confidently—even when it means standing alone.
And let’s be honest—they will have to stand alone, many times over. So don’t create a fake, comfortable world for your daughter just because you can’t handle the idea of her being left out. Maybe I’m being a little blunt here—but I’ll remind you again: you are still the parent. And a parent doesn’t just raise a child for the moment—they raise her for the future.
So let’s pause again.
Take a breath and ask Jesus:
“Am I making decisions for my child out of fear?”
Let Him speak to that place. He’s gentle—but He’s also faithful to lead us into truth.
Don’t skip it—stay there.
Write it down.
These are the moments where transformation begins.
Again parenting starts with us.
Teachable Moments with Wisdom
If you see a girl dressed in a way that reveals most of her body, don’t respond with, “That’s so bad—she’s just dressing for the boys,” or, “Look how inappropriate that is.”
That kind of reaction doesn’t teach compassion or conviction—it teaches judgment. It shuts down empathy and misses the bigger picture.
Instead, use the moment to gently guide your daughter with wisdom and grace.
In my own life—and in conversations with other moms—I’ve realized there’s such a thin line we have to walk here. There’s a loving balance we need to keep, especially when we’re talking about other girls. These are daughters of God too. Don’t use them as a negative example to make your point. That’s not love—it’s comparison, and it’s damaging.
And yes, I know—it’s hard.
When you’re raising your children with values that go against so much of what they see around them, it can feel exhausting. But early on, I learned you can use these moments differently. You can open up real conversation.
Instead of judging, teach your daughter to look deeper. Ask, “I wonder what’s going on in her heart?” or “What do you think she’s trying to communicate?”
That shifts the focus.
It invites your daughter into compassion.
It teaches her to think critically, love deeply, and see others the way Jesus does—not just by outward appearances.
The same goes for church.
Church isn’t a place for perfection—it’s a place for healing. Many women are still learning what it means to walk in the transformational love of Jesus. The truth is, most of them were probably never taught differently. So pointing out their appearance the moment they step through the door? That’s not kindness—that’s judgment.
Instead, show grace. Take time to see them. Get to know their story. And if God gives you the privilege of building trust and a place in their heart, then ask Jesus when (and if) it’s the right time to speak into that area.
Because real change happens through relationship—not criticism.
Let your daughter see that modesty is never about pride or shame—it’s about dignity, humility, and love.
"You’re being too strict."
Ever heard that one? I have many times over.
When your daughter says, “You’re being too strict,” what she may really be feeling is that she's being controlled rather than understood. It’s easy for boundaries to come across as rejection if we don’t take the time to explain the heart behind them. Instead of shutting the conversation down, use it as an opportunity to connect. You might say, “Let’s talk about the ‘why’ behind our boundaries. I’m not trying to control you—I’m trying to honor who you are and help you to grow .” When she feels heard, she’s far more likely to listen. But let’s be real—there’s a good chance she still won’t understand. Yes, brace yourself. She might not agree with you. She might still want that outfit, and the conversation might not end on a positive note. And that’s okay. Because you are still the parent. Listen to her, try to understand where she’s coming from—after all, you were young once too. But don’t be afraid to step in and lead. She’s still a child—and a teenager—and part of your role is to make choices that protect and guide her, even when she can’t see it yet. That’s not about control; it’s about loving her enough to lead with wisdom.
I’ve had to do this many times. Sometimes, they understood, and we found a cool, fun alternative together. More times, they didn’t—and I had to make the decision anyway.
I know I’m laying a foundation. And no, my kids might not always follow it perfectly once they’re adults. But that doesn’t mean the foundation isn’t there. Even if she chooses the crop top, the tiny bikini, or the skirt that feels too short for my comfort—I’ve planted seeds. And seeds take time to grow.
The real question for me in those moments is: How will I respond?
Because she already knows where I stand. I don’t need to repeat it every single time. If I do, I risk damaging our connection over something as small as a piece of clothing. And the relationship is worth far more than that.
With our eldest, I’ve seen this play out. She makes her own decisions now, and she actually loves when I come shopping with her. Am I always thrilled with every choice she makes? No. But I’ve realized my role now is to nurture the relationship, not to throw out uninvited opinions at every turn.
And honestly? I’m still learning when to be quiet. Still growing. Still trusting that the seeds we planted will bear fruit in God’s time. But more than anything, I am so proud of her. As she grows, I get to stand beside her, sometimes just watching in awe, still amazed that God entrusted us with such a treasure. Each of our children is a gift, and seeing them step into all that God has prepared for them—that is my greatest joy.
Keep Praying Through Every Stage of Her Life
From the moment she’s a baby in your arms to the day she walks into adulthood—you pray. Through toddler tantrums, tween identity shifts, teenage pushbacks, and even grown-up choices you might not understand, never stop praying. Your prayers carry eternal weight. They are seeds, sown in faith. Where your words especially when they are adults fall short, your prayers go straight to the heart of the Father.
Keep going, mama. You’ve been handpicked by God Himself to raise this precious daughter of His. What a calling. What a gift.
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