How to Teach Teen Boys Modesty -2-
I’ve unintentionally started an entire series on modesty, here we are—two posts on girls and two on boys! If you’ve missed any, be sure to go back and catch up, especially if you have girls or younger boys. You won’t want to miss the valuable insights!
Modesty for Young Girls: A Mom’s Guide –1–
Raising Sons with Respect and Modesty in Mind -1-
Raising Modest Teen Girls in an Overexposed World -2-
But let's talk about raising modest boys for a moment. For many of you, the word 'modesty' instantly brings to mind girls' clothing choices, discussions about what is 'appropriate' for young women. However, modesty is not just a girl's issue.
The Bible teaches us that modesty is, above all, a matter of the heart. Both our daughters and our sons need this guidance, even if it is expressed differently in boys' lives. For them, modesty isn’t just about what they wear; it’s about who they are becoming. It's about growing in humility, practising self-control, showing respect and learning to act in a way that honours God and builds up those around them.
So, if you’re raising boys, don’t miss this. Even when they’re little, it’s the perfect time to start planting seeds that will shape their future. Ready? Let’s dive in together.
Modesty Is Bigger Than Dress Codes
Our boys need to understand that modesty isn’t just about what they wear—it’s about the condition of their hearts. True modesty means walking in humility, resisting pride, and reflecting Christ instead of chasing attention. A modest young man knows his worth is secure in God, so he doesn’t feel the need to prove himself to the world.
That said, modesty can also show up in clothing choices. For example, if your son is constantly walking around shirtless, it’s worth asking why. Is it comfort, or is it a desire to be noticed? Help him dig deeper into his motives—does he want to impress others, especially girls, or is he secure enough to carry himself without needing that kind of attention? These conversations help shape not just his habits, but his heart.
You can teach your sons that being shirtless at the beach or pool is perfectly fine—but when it’s time to sit down for a meal, or when other girls are present, it’s better to put on a shirt. Little habits like these help them realize life isn’t just about themselves. It’s about keeping their own hearts pure, yes, but also about respecting others. And when the thought comes—“I don’t have an issue with this, so why should I change for others?”—that’s the exact moment to remind them: modesty is about honoring others, not just yourself.
The Pressures Boys Face Today
Culture pushes boys in a very different direction. They’re told to show off their muscles, post their abs on Instagram, wear the “right” brands, and chase attention. From social media to sports culture, the message is clear: your value is in how you look and how much attention you can get. This is no longer just a 'girls' issue' — our boys are affected by it, too. That's why we, as parents, can't stay silent. This is an ongoing conversation that needs to be approached with love and guidance, not criticism, judgement or religion. Ultimately, fitness and clothing aren't the real issues — it's about the heart.
And let's not forget that our children are watching us. If your son sees his dad constantly worrying about his appearance or always looking for compliments, he’ll learn to do the same. The way we demonstrate confidence, humility and healthy habits is more important than we realise.
If you sense that your identity is wrapped up in your appearance, take this as a reminder to go deeper with God—not only for your own sake, but for the generations growing under your roof. We have the privilege of teaching our sons that their true identity is found in Christ, not in their looks, their muscles, or the image they project.
Take a moment to pause and ask yourself:
Lord, is my identity linked to my image?
What is the lie I’ve been believing about myself?
What is the truth You want to gift me with today?
These simple questions open the door for God to realign our hearts—and they model for our kids how to bring their struggles into His presence.
Teaching Our Sons to Value Girls
Have you ever considered how your sons treat their sisters, their classmates, and the girls they meet every day? Have you ever considered how they view girls in their hearts and minds? All too often, we dismiss it with the casual excuse that 'that's just how boys are'.
Whether it’s pushing their sisters around, cracking jokes about girls, or rating them as attractive or not, the list could go on. We may not always stop to think about it, but the truth is this: it’s our responsibility to teach them better. Because if we don’t, the world will.
One of the biggest areas of modesty for boys is how they think about and treat girls. And the truth is, they are being shaped every day by powerful influences:
Through the lens of culture
The media, music and social platforms constantly encourage boys to view girls as objects of desire. Adverts, films and TikTok videos normalise lust, crude humour and treating girls' bodies as entertainment. Over time, this conditioning teaches boys to judge girls based on their "attractiveness" rather than seeing them as whole people created in God's image.Through the lens of peers
Friend groups often encourage crude jokes, locker-room talk, or pressure to “rate” and brag about girls. Boys can easily fall into competition, seeing girls as trophies or conquests. And the fear of not fitting in drives many of them to adopt attitudes that are shallow and disrespectful.Through the lens of insecurity
Many boys tie their worth to whether girls notice them. They look for validation through attention, which may boost their ego but leaves them empty. This can quickly turn into obsessive thoughts, idolizing crushes, or unhealthy dependence on what girls think of them.
The world tells boys this is normal—that “everyone talks like that.” And if we’re not careful, we can start to believe it too. But God calls our sons to something higher. He asks them to see every girl as a sister in Christ—someone worthy of honor, protection, and respect.
Wow, that's powerful! God is calling our boys to greater things. To illustrate this, let’s look at what Scripture says.
In 1 Timothy 5:2 (NIV), Paul reminds us that young men should treat “younger women as sisters, in all purity”. This isn't just about external behaviour — it's a call for purity of heart.
That means helping our sons learn modesty in the way they think and act toward others:
Guarding their thoughts – Teach your son to see girls as whole people made in God’s image, not as body parts or appearances to be picked apart. Remind him that what he allows in his mind shapes his heart.
Speaking with kindness – Call out crude jokes and disrespectful language right away, and model speech that honors women. Encourage him to use words that build up, not tear down.
Interacting as equals – Show him that girls are not trophies to win or conquests to brag about, but sisters in Christ to be respected. Reinforce this by the way your family talks about and treats women.
Showing restraint – Teach him that real strength is in self-control. Help him see that respect in relationships means honoring boundaries and valuing a girl’s heart above his own desires.
This mindset protects everyone. It prevents boys from developing destructive habits such as lust and arrogance, and it ensures that girls are treated with the dignity that God intended. When boys practise modesty, they help to create a culture of honour in their schools, churches and, eventually, in their future marriages and parenting.
Parents of boys — myself included — what a responsibility we carry! It is not a burden that should overwhelm us, but rather a source of excitement.
Teaching Dignity, Not Shame
Now maybe you’re thinking, I don’t want to raise weak sons. But let’s be clear—modesty has nothing to do with weakness. God designed our sons to be courageous and strong for a reason. Men are called to be leaders, protectors, and providers. That is not weakness—it’s strength!
Paul writes in Ephesians 5:25 (NIV):
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
This verse shows us the highest calling of biblical manhood. True strength is not about dominance, pride, or showing off—it’s about sacrificial love, even to the point of laying down one’s life.
And don't forget: this is an ongoing journey. Every time you teach your sons, you are sowing seeds. These seeds may not bear fruit immediately; in fact, it may even seem as though they have gone in a different direction for a while. But don’t lose heart. Keep praying and believing. The seeds you sow in faith will bear fruit in time.
But remember: you cannot expect a harvest without planting. So be intentional—don’t leave it to chance. Start today.
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