Raising Sons with Respect and Modesty in Mind
Parenting boys today definitely comes with its own set of challenges and joys. We put a lot of emphasis on modesty and dignity with our daughters, and rightly so, but our sons need just as much guidance in these areas. It’s easy to forget that as we focus on teaching our girls, but boys are just as much in need of these virtues.
Growing up, I hardly ever heard boys being taught about this. The focus was always on us girls. Back then, I rebelled against the idea that all the responsibility for men’s eyes, thoughts, and struggles rested solely on how I dressed. Yes, there is a part for girls to play—but the weight should never fall only on them.
The truth is, boys—and future men, husbands, and fathers—have a massive role to play. It’s not just about teaching our daughters to carry the burden of modesty; it’s about raising our sons with the same sense of responsibility and respect. They, too, must learn dignity, honor, and self-control.
As parents, our calling is not one-sided. We are called to invest in both our sons and our daughters—to raise them with a deep understanding of their worth and the roles God has entrusted to them in this world.
We want to raise young men who respect themselves and others, who lead by example, and who value character over appearance, don’t we?
Boys today seem far more concerned with their appearance than we ever were as children. Back then, it didn’t feel like such a big deal—but now it carries a lot of weight. This shift began in the late 20th century, with the fitness boom of the 1980s and 1990s led by figures like Arnold Schwarzenegger, which popularized bodybuilding and muscular physiques. Icons like Brad Pitt and David Beckham reinforced the lean, fit ideal, and with the rise of social media in the 2000s, curated images of influencers pushed the pressure even further. Changing gender norms also opened the door for boys to engage more with grooming, fashion, and fitness. All of this has shaped the heightened body-awareness we see in young men today.
While fitness and health are good, when boys become obsessed with their appearance, it can lead to anxiety and low self-esteem, or even more extreme measures such as taking steroids. An excessive focus on outward appearance can overshadow what truly matters: character, integrity, and emotional health. This imbalance can contribute to toxic masculinity, where manhood becomes associated with dominance, emotional repression, and the degradation of women.
True masculinity, however, is nothing like that. As God designed, it is protective, humble, and servant-hearted—modeled perfectly in Christ. That is the vision we must give our sons, and the responsibility we carry as parents.
As boys place more emphasis on their bodies and appearance, it’s important that we teach them at home that their worth isn’t based on outward looks. We must intentionally train their character, helping them understand the value of integrity, kindness, and emotional strength.
Exactly! Our task is to raise young men who view the women around them as valuable individuals who deserve respect, encouragement and protection, rather than as objects to be used, teased or spoken about carelessly.
True masculinity is built on serving others, taking responsibility, and deeply respecting the God-given worth of every woman. It means teaching our sons to lead with integrity, care selflessly, and honor the dignity of women in every interaction. Wow, that's a lot to take in. But let's be honest, where else are we really hearing this?
The most exciting part is this: as parents, we hold both the privilege and the responsibility of shaping the next generation.
Now let me ask you—do you care how your boys talk about girls? Do you even know the words they use, or the way they speak about them when you’re not around? Hold on to the thought.
Here are some key principles for helping our sons grow into respectful, confident young men.
Model Gentle Behavior First
Boys learn by watching, so it's crucial to model gentleness in both your actions and words. How you treat and talk to others speaks volumes—whether it’s your wife, your friends, or even the policeman on the street. Are you showing kindness, patience, and respect in those everyday interactions? Your sons are paying attention to how you handle challenges, how you speak to those around you, and how you treat people regardless of their status. Dads, everything you want to see in your boy first needs to be visual with you. If you didn’t grow up like this, there is always hope, it’s not too late to work on it now, little by little, as your boy is learning, so can you, that’s the Good news!
We often feel ashamed to take steps toward learning or growing while our children are watching, thinking that we need to have everything figured out. However, we often fail to recognise that this is actually a valuable opportunity to teach children humility. When a father openly acknowledges that he doesn’t have everything under control, it’s a vulnerable moment that instils deep respect. Our children already know that we don't have all the answers — they see us struggle and make mistakes. However, by admitting that we’re still learning and embracing vulnerability, we demonstrate that it’s okay to grow, make mistakes and keep improving.
So, don’t try to hide your imperfection, but let your journey become their to watch and learn from.
Moms, you play a key role in supporting your husband in this process. You can either tear him down or cheer him on, and the difference it makes is huge. When you’re in his corner, encouraging him to model gentleness and respect, it strengthens your relationship and sets a powerful example for your children. Parenting together as a team creates consistency and shows your sons what it looks like to work together, supporting one another in all aspects of life. When you and your spouse work together as a united front, you create a home where respect, humility and love form the foundation. This strengthens not only your marriage, but also shapes the way your children grow up to interact with the world. For your sons, it sets the pattern for how they will treat women one day, including their future wives and daughters. The impact is huge!
A word to Single Moms
We see you, and we don’t want you to feel alone in this. Maybe your children’s dad is involved, and that’s fantastic—you can talk this through with him. But if he isn’t, and you feel he’s not able to provide what your son needs, know that you’re not alone. There are other moms—whether married or single—who feel the same. The first thing to do is pray. Don’t focus on the circumstances or what you see right now. Ask God for a prophetic vision of your ex-husband or boyfriend’s true identity, because God has a plan for him to fully step into his role as a dad. Keep praying, even if you don’t see immediate change. And, most importantly, refrain from speaking negatively about him in front of your son—he is still his father and his model, no matter what.
Begin praying for the people around you who can model what it means to be a man of integrity—maybe it's a grandfather, a brother, a coach, or someone from church. Trust that God has someone in mind for your son to look up to. Keep believing that He will provide the right influences to help shape your son into the man he’s meant to be.
But the ultimate role model you can introduce him to right now is Jesus. Show him how Christ lived: strong yet gentle, bold yet compassionate, and full of authority yet always humble. Jesus valued women, honoured them and treated them with dignity and respect. He wept openly, spoke the truth uncompromisingly, and laid down his life in sacrificial love.
This is true manhood. The more we point our sons to Jesus — not just with words, but by living it out ourselves — the more they will grow into men who reflect his heart in the way they lead, serve and love.
Being a Gentleman Is Not Outdated
Even though culture may say otherwise, teach your boys the almost forgotten virtues of respect, kindness, and integrity. It’s about more than just manners; it’s about instilling values like empathy, respect, and integrity.
We created a "Little Gentleman's" guide for our son, making it a priority to teach him important lessons from the time he was a preschooler.
Use Manners and Respectful Language: From a young age, teach boys the importance of basic manners, such as saying "please" and "thank you," holding doors open, and speaking kindly to others. A simple "hello" and offering a handshake is one of the most respectful gestures a child can show an adult. These small acts of courtesy go a long way in teaching them how to value and honor those around them, setting the tone for how they will interact with others as they grow.
Teach Accountability and Responsibility: Help boys understand the importance of owning their actions from an early age. When they make mistakes, guide them to apologize sincerely, learn from the experience, and take responsibility for making things right. Even if they don’t fully grasp the concept yet, don’t hold back—start teaching them early. These lessons build a foundation for integrity and self-awareness, showing them it’s not about being perfect, but about taking responsibility and growing from their actions. This is especially important for boys, as they often tend to justify their actions rather than take ownership. Teaching them accountability early helps them grow in humility and develop a mature sense of responsibility.
Encourage Empathy and Service: Expose them to opportunities to serve others, whether it's helping a family member, a friend, or even volunteering. Encourage them to think about the needs of others and how they can make a positive impact. This will have a lasting impact on their lives.
Appearance Shapes Respect
How our sons present themselves speaks volumes about how others will treat them. The saying "Clothes make the man" holds a lot of truth—how they carry themselves directly affects how they’re treated. If it’s the trend to wear shirts with crude slogans or carry themselves with a sloppy, careless attitude, boys may not realize the message they’re sending. People will often assume they don’t respect themselves—and respond with less respect in return. But when they follow the “trend” of dressing well and carrying themselves with dignity, kindness, and confidence, they set themselves apart. In turn, they’re more likely to be taken seriously and shown the respect they deserve.
This is especially crucial today, where respect isn't always prioritized. While it’s unfortunate that respect can sometimes feel like a rarity, I always see it as an opportunity here. What we teach our children matters—people notice the way they present themselves. Whether it's a teacher, a coach, or a future boss, the life skills we're teaching them now will set them up for success. It’s not just about looking good—it’s about teaching them how to navigate the world with integrity and self-respect, and that’s a lesson that will serve them for a lifetime.
I don’t want to end this part without saying it again: everything we’ve taught our children—everything I’m sharing here—has taken years. Even something as simple as greeting someone with a handshake and holding eye contact was a marathon to teach. Don’t lose hope. It all takes time, and that’s exactly why God has entrusted them to us for these years, don’t wast them.
We’re diving even deeper into raising strong men of God during the teenage years in one of our next posts—don’t miss it!
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