Modesty for Young Girls: A Mom’s Guide –1–
I have two daughters, and this has always been a topic close to my heart—one I’ve wrestled with since they were little. Not from a religious perspective, but from a place of love and responsibility as a mom who wanted to teach them well. I know modesty can be a loaded, even controversial, subject. We tend to swing hard between extremes: legalism on one side, and complete disregard on the other.
But I think many of us can agree on this—manners and behavior, in general, have changed drastically over the last few decades. If I were to ask a group of parents how they feel about the way girls dress today, I’d probably get a hundred different answers. Everyone has their own take.For some, the length of a skirt is just about style; for others, it reflects deeper values. A crop top might feel like a fun trend to some, while to others it raises questions of modesty. And while some view a bikini as nothing more than swimwear, others see it as a statement about values. So the real question becomes: what are your values? Are you simply going along with the trends, or are you teaching your girls something different?
For me, I’ve learned that the key is not about controlling hem lengths or obsessing over appearance. It’s about rooting our teaching in biblical principles—showing our daughters that modesty and manners aren’t outdated rules, but timeless truths that point to Christ. It’s about helping them walk in dignity, respect, and love. That’s the heart behind it. That’s my journey.
I grew up at a time when Christians weren't considered 'cool'. On the contrary, we certainly didn't dress fashionably. In fact, just caring too much about your outfit made people suspicious. I’ve always loved fashion. I love expressing who I am through what I wear. But back then, I often felt discouraged—mostly by men in our church—who warned me not to be too “into” clothes. And it’s not like I was wearing anything revealing or wild. It reminds me of how people reacted to drums in church back in the ’80s. At the time, fashion was almost treated as sinful as the beat of a snare drum. And I’m sure many of you can hardly imagine that now.
As a mom, I see how easy it is to either overreact or stay silent. However, there is a wiser approach. I want my girls to know that God isn’t against beauty, creativity, or expression—He’s the author of it all. What matters is the heart behind it. Modesty isn’t about shame. It’s about identity. It’s about knowing Whose you are and reflecting Him in how you carry yourself.
This is a conversation we need to keep having—not with judgment or fear, but with grace, truth, and intentionality.
Modesty Begins in the Heart: Identity in Christ
Modesty isn’t just about clothing—it’s a heart posture. It’s an identity issue before it’s ever a dress code. When we root our daughters in who they are in Christ, modesty becomes a natural outflow, not a rigid rule.
As Elisabeth Elliot wisely said,
“The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I am a Christian makes me a different kind of woman.”
That truth struck me early on in parenting. It was never about strict rules or forbidden outfits. It was about anchoring our girls in their identity in Jesus. Because when a girl knows who she is—loved, chosen, created with purpose—she doesn’t need to seek validation in short skirts or cropped tops.
She’s not dressing for attention. She’s dressing from a place of belonging. She knows she’s beautiful—not because the world tells her so, but because her Father already has.
In our home, we’ve seen just how powerful that truth is.
Our daughters have a father who didn’t just comment on how they looked—he called out who they were becoming.
He didn’t stop at, “You’re pretty.”
He said, “You are strong. You are kind. You are made for purpose.”
From a young age, we made it a priority to speak life—not just over their looks, but over their character, calling, and value. That kind of affirmation isn’t just sweet—it’s foundational.
Because if we don’t name them, the world will.
If we don’t call out their worth, someone else will try—and it won’t be rooted in truth.
Don’t underestimate the power of a father’s words.
They shape identity. They speak life. They echo in the heart of a daughter for years to come.
But maybe you’re parenting without a father figure in the home—and I want you to know, you are not left out of this story.
Your daughter still has a Father who speaks truth over her.
There are countless verses in the Bible that declare a woman’s worth—and these words are not just for reading, they’re for speaking aloud over your daughter. Let them settle in her heart like seeds. Let her know: this is what your Father in Heaven says about you.
Here are a few powerful truths to start with:
1. Proverbs 31:25 (ESV)
“She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs at the time to come.”
She is not fragile—she is strong, dignified, and fearless in the face of tomorrow.
2. Psalm 139:13–14 (NIV)
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”
She is handmade by God, seen and celebrated from the very beginning.
3. Genesis 1:27 (ESV)
“So God created man in his own image… male and female he created them.”
She bears the image of God—she reflects His beauty, creativity, and strength.
4. Isaiah 43:1 (NIV)
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.”
She belongs to the Lord. She is known by name.
5. Zephaniah 3:17 (NLT)
“For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness… He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.”
God sings over her. That’s how deeply He delights in her.
6. Isaiah 62:3 (NLT)
“You will be a crown of splendor in the Lord’s hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God.”
She is royalty in God’s eyes—precious and priceless.
So before you run around with a ruler measuring skirt lengths—or grab the newest, cutest toddler cropped outfit from the rack—start with identity. You cannot skip this step. If you do, it turns into nothing more than empty rules. And rules without relationship or revelation? That’s religion. And our children will want nothing to do with that.
They can’t build their lives on something shallow. But when modesty flows from a heart anchored in Christ, it carries depth. It lasts. It becomes their conviction—not just our rule. Still, let me remind you: this is a marathon. Your daughters will not thank you for it right away. It will take years before they see the value—but one day, they will.
Modesty starts With Us
Once again, we model what we want seen.
Modesty and manners are best taught through a combination of instruction and example. As the old saying goes, 'More is caught than taught.'
We can talk all day about modesty, but if we’re not living it, our words fall flat. And I want to go deeper than you might expect, because this isn’t just about dress codes or outer appearances.
You might think, “Well, I dress modestly. This doesn’t apply to me.”
But modesty isn’t just about fabric—it’s about motive.
Sometimes we can dress modestly on the outside, but inwardly still crave the wrong kind of attention. Or maybe we’re covering up out of shame—not out of reverence. Maybe we hide behind layers, call it modesty, but deep down we’re saying, “I don’t like my body.”
Let’s be honest: that’s what our daughters are picking up on.
if we constantly criticize our reflection or hide our bodies out of insecurity, we’re silently teaching them:
“My body isn’t good. It’s something to be ashamed of.”
But that’s not truth.
The truth is: our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit.
Let’s Pause Right Here.
Take a minute.
Breathe.
And ask Jesus:
“What do You think about the way I dress?”
“How do You see the way I view and accept my body?”
I know I’ve said this more than once—but please, don’t rush past this moment.
You’re not asking a mirror.
You’re not asking culture.
You’re asking the One who formed you, who sees you fully, and loves you completely.
He knows the story behind every outfit you wear.
He knows the insecurities you’ve carried.
He knows the longing behind the choices.
And He responds with truth and tenderness—not shame.
So pause. Ask. Listen.
And write it down.
This isn’t just a gift for you—it’s a legacy for your daughters and the generations that follow. It’s not about enforcing rules, but about inviting deep inner healing. And if you’re feeling resistance right now, don’t ignore it—bring it to Jesus.
We’re not called to be picture-perfect moms—because that doesn’t exist.
What our children need is a mom who is walking the road to wholeness and letting Jesus do the deep work.
Our daughters see past the façade.
What they need is not someone pretending to have it all together, but a mother who is humbly growing, healing, and anchored in truth.
Let’s show our girls what it means to walk in humble confidence—to respect our bodies without idolizing them. Let’s have the conversations, yes—but more importantly, let’s live the example first. Because the most powerful lessons they’ll ever learn are the ones they watch us live out, day after day.
A mother who speaks kindly about her own body is quietly teaching her daughter to value herself.
We are always teaching. The question is: what are we showing them to follow?
If you want to go deeper into the body topic, I highly recommend our blog post on Why Body Acceptance Matters .
Why Modesty Matters in Parenting
Teaching our daughters about modesty is an essential part of discipleship. It’s not about shaming their bodies or stifling their creativity – it’s about guiding their hearts. We parents must be willing to set boundaries: This doesn’t start when they are teenagers, but way before. I see so many parents buying too short of clothes for their girls and when they become teenagers they are against them choosing the exact same clothes like they did before? What changed, nothing really in the head of the teenager, but you are seeing a developping young lady, that looks very different in those clothes and you are freaking out. Let's turn this around and ask how we can teach them when they are young.
Show them how to sit properly in a dress. Don't do it in a negative way when they're not sitting properly, but take it as a teachable moment and show them how a lady sits.
Consider having your child wear short leggings under a dress or skirt. Kids love to run, dance, and jump, and if the dress accidentally flips up, nothing is exposed.
Your 2-year-old doesn’t need to be the one choosing their outfit.
Yes, we’ve already touched on avoiding clothes that are too short, but let’s also remember that your two-year-old doesn’t need to be the one choosing their outfit. Toddlers don’t yet know how to dress for the occasion or the weather. Sometimes, in the name of independence, we forget that, even at this young age, we are still the parents. It's our job to gently guide them, not just let them decide.
Okay, I can already sense this is calling for a Part 2. But for now, it was so important for me to start with first things first.
Also, we will also have a boy part, so look out for the continuation.
I know some of you are waiting for a catalog of do’s and don’ts—and yes, I’ll share more about our journey and practical guidance. But before we get there, I need to say this:
We can’t pass on what we haven’t gone through ourselves.
For my part, I’ve walked this road personally.
Clothes slowly—but surely—became an idol in my early adult life. What started as a desire to express myself and stand out, eventually became my identity.
But Jesus, in His mercy, gently opened my eyes.
He invited me into a journey—not of shame, but of healing.
He showed me how to find my identity in Him, not in what I wore.
I still love fashion. That hasn’t changed.
But fashion no longer controls me.
I had to lay it down. Go deeper into the why.
Pull out the root.
I even went on what I call a “clothing fast”—a time of intentionally stepping back from shopping and styling to allow the Holy Spirit to reset my heart.
It was healing.
It was revealing.
And it was freeing.
I realized how often I used clothes as a reward, to make me happy, to light up my day.
But Jesus was calling me to something better: Wholeness.
This was not a quick fix, but a journey, and you know what He is inviting you into your own, before it’s about your kids, let Him start with you, it’s the best decision I made!